Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 23: Him

This is probably the stupidest thing to do, but I couldn't come up with any better things than to take her skateboard and walk away. It's obvious that this means a lot to her, and if she really changed she wouldn't come running after this. I'm afraid that she wouldn't react or do anything about this. But when she called out my name and tried to make me stop, I know she's still the Kristen that I have come to know. I'm so disappointed to see her this way. I couldn't see the point of her doing all this. What could have happen? She wouldn't just be gone for a day and the next day she'll show up very differently. Something must be up. I can feel something happened. Knowing the fact that she doesn't like all of what she's doing is completely obvious that something happened. This isn't her, and it bothers the hell out of me.

I didn't mind carrying her skateboard wherever I go. I know if I leave it on my locker she would find a way to get it there. This is ridiculous. I can just let her do whatever she wants to do with herself. She can go bitching around without me trying to cover her up. I could've stopped trying to know what is wrong with her the moment she told me to stop following her. But I didn't. Instead I took her skateboard away from her, and somehow relieved to know that it's still her when she shouted and tried to stop me. I don't understand why am I doing this. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't give a damn about me, yet I still care. I care for her. I couldn't take this fact but no matter how I try to stop myself from thinking about her, I just couldn't. She always makes me mad, she pisses the hell out of me, she makes me want to tear my fucking hair out like all the time. She drives me crazy. And no matter how much I want to stop myself, I couldn't get away from her now. She's like a drug to me. And I couldn't control myself anymore.

After hours of boring classes the bell had finally rung. I immediately made my way to my locker, not minding anyone blocking my way. They all seem to move away as they see me. The look on my face must have made it obvious that I'm not in the mood to deal with anything at the moment. I opened my locker and put back all my stuffs that I didn't even use that much today since I wasn't really paying attention in class. I slammed it shut and picked up the skateboard that I had been carrying the whole day. As soon as I saw my friends all gathered in the hallway, I made my way to the middle of their own crowd and started talking shit.

"We're gonna party all night motherfuckers!"

The crowd started cheering. I gained light punches in the arm from my own friends. All the looks from the girls were excited, especially from Stacey. She looked at me as I looked at her. The way she smirked reminded me of someone. But I managed to stop myself. I don't want to think about anything or anyone right now. I need to do something to get rid of all the thoughts I have inside my head.

*

The smell of alcohol and other more party stuff welcomed me as I made my way inside Ashton's house. His family is not around, so we can do whatever the hell we want. I know this is illegal, since almost all of us here are all underage and not aloud to take any alcohol yet, but who the hell cares? We're not gonna get in trouble unless we get caught. I have tried to drink before but I have never been drunk in my whole life. No matter how much we hang out I can still manage to control myself. I'm afraid about the things that I could do when I'm out of control. But right now I honestly don't care. I don't care if I get drunk tonight. I don't care if I get into trouble. I don't care if someone decided to pick a fight with me. I don't care about almost everything anymore. All I know is I want to let go even just for tonight. I feel so disappointed and mad and I know it's all because of this girl who has been messing up with my mind and even though it's already fucking me up, it's still my favorite pain.

I nodded to Ashton as they called me. They were all sitting around a table full of drinks and chips, and some pieces of cigarettes that I don't have any idea who uses. I started looking around to see what's happening by now. Some people around were dancing at the song being played. Some are making out, and some are fighting. I rolled my eyes and laughed at what I just saw. I focused on the things that my friends are doing. Luke's smiling groggily, obviously drunk already as he mumbles things to the ears of the girls beside him. Leigh and Becca are chit chatting about I don't know while taking a sip on their cups. Stacey is sitting down at Ashton's lap, trying to impress him by flaunting her boobs on his face. Michael is busy with his phone, probably tweeting or texting someone, I don't know. The five other people around us were smoking and drinking. I have noticed everyone is busy doing something and I don't have anything to do so I stood up and grabbed not just a cup but a bottle of whiskey at the other table and opened it, not minding the things that could possibly happen after this.

I let the liquid flow down inside me. The familiar taste gave me some satisfaction about something I couldn't understand. It's like I have been wanting to do this for so long. I gulped and let the whiskey make a burning feeling in my throat. It felt somehow painful but it was all good. I couldn't ask for more on how it made me feel. Recklessness grew inside me. I couldn't care less about anything anymore. This is what I want to feel right now. The alcohol isn't making the madness fade away, but I'm somehow forgetting it even just for a moment. I hate this feeling that she's causing me. Everything I do just seem to be all about her now. As much as I don't want it to be, it just keeps on getting there. It's like I entered something that I never wanted to enter, now I want to escape but at the same time I'm loving how I'm constantly trapped.

I gulped down, leaving the bottle half emptied. I slowly closed my eyes and opened it again and smirked. Things are starting to get blurry and I'm starting to feel hot, but I didn't care. I held my bottle tight, not wanting anyone to stop me. I made my way back to the sofa and Michael gave me a concerned look. I just laughed at him.

"Dude I'm alright." I stated and took another shot of my drink.

They all looked up to me as I emptied the bottle within a minute. After drinking it all, I raised my hands while holding up the bottle and I gained loud cheers from my friends. This must be the first time they saw me in this kind of state. I couldn't believe myself either that I'm doing this. But someone once said, change is good. So I might as well fuck my life up.

Stacey then came up with the truth or dare game. I wasn't surprised about it since it's common in any parties with people getting drunk. I can say I'm already drunk by now. I can still think but I'm starting to lose myself. Everything's a blur, but I keep smiling to myself about nothing. I feel dizzy and hot but I still keep on drinking. I don't care. I'm loving how this feels like. This is better than any bullshit I feel. They are all probably just some illusion that keeps on happening. They couldn't be real. I can never love such a person like her.

"Hey Cal, it's your turn."

I hadn't noticed that they were already starting the game until it got into the point that it's my turn to get asked already. I looked around and just smiled, like what I've been doing. I look pretty stupid, I know. I took another shot before speaking up.

"Dare, you motherfuckers."

They all looked at me, obviously waiting for the dare. Stacey moved closer to me with a devilish a grin. I gasped as she touched me. My heart started racing.

"Kiss the person in this room you think you deserve."

My body tensed up at the words I've heard. Images of Kristen started filling my head up. From the mad face to the charming smiling one, they all appeared in my mind. I can hear her musical laugh inside my head. I looked around and tried to make sure she's not around. I turned to look at Stacey and got shocked to see a grinning Kristen. Everywhere I look I can see her. Her laugh kept playing over and over inside my head as I look around. What the fuck is happening to me.

And within a moment, I passed out.