Back Then *Completed*

XII. New Management

Harry’s POV

I wake up with a slight headache.  The party and everything that happened still at the forefront of my mind.  I had a great time.  I really enjoyed seeing Niall interacting with everyone.  His joy was putting a smile on my face and I was very happy.  

It was amazing to see him with other people.  He completely brightens up the entire room just with his presence.  He is smart, funny, witty, charming, and charismatic and every other pleasing personality trait all rolled into one perfect Irish guy with the bluest eyes I have ever seen.  How could he have kept that personality hidden back in school?  How did I never see it?  I ask myself that every single time that I am near him.

I genuinely have feelings for him.  Feelings that I can’t even begin to comprehend.  I’ve had relationships before and have developed strong feelings for others but nothing compared to the way I feel for Niall.  I guess that is why I had to stop last night.  I couldn’t allow our first time to be while we were intoxicated.  I could tell he still was and I didn’t want him to have any regrets.  That would have been the first time with a guy for both of us and I have imagined that happening but in my thoughts we have both been completely sober.

I can’t help but to think he is probably upset with me.  I think I would be upset as well.  I should have discussed how I was feeling at that moment instead of running out on him, like a coward.  I guess I am not yet ready to tell him exactly how I feel about him.  I’m scared. 

Everything is scaring me.  My feelings for him.  His feelings for me.  The song he sang on Friday night.  Those lyrics clearly held meaning for him with regard to his feelings for me.  Am I even a good enough person to be with someone like Niall?  Someone who has nothing but goodness in him.  I was not a considerate person.  I was not a caring person.  I really didn’t hold any of the qualities that Niall has until a few years ago.  I know I am a changed person but am I enough for him?

“I didn’t hear from you at all yesterday.  I thought you would for sure be calling and telling me all the juicy details about what happened after Perrie and I left Niall’s party.” Zayn stated as we both sat down at our desks on Monday morning.  I dropped my head on my desk and groaned. 

“Well, I certainly want to know what happened now”  I brought my head back up and met Zayn’s gaze.

“I messed up.  Like big” I replied.  Zayn motioned his hand for me to elaborate.  “and……” he said.

“I just really like him….like…really really like him and I messed it up and ran out without any explanation.  I’m such an idiot.” I huffed.

“Ran out on what?” He quizzed

“We…were like right there…like really close to ….. you know….” I looked in his eyes to see if he understood what I was referring to and his lips formed an o shape.  He clearly understood.  “Anyway, I just freaked out and left.  We were both still kind of drunk and I didn’t want our first time together to be like that.  I really like him and have actual deep feelings for him.  But he is never gonna talk to me again.”

“Why would you say that, Harry?  Of course he is gonna talk to you.  What did he say when you told him how you felt?  You know Niall is completely understanding and he would never do anything you didn’t feel comfortable with.”

“I didn’t tell him.” I mumbled.  “I just told him that I couldn’t and that I had to go and I left without another word.  He was just staring at me.  Completely surprised.”

“You’re such an idiot, Harry” Zayn said, shaking his head.

“I know.”  We were brought out of conversation when Zayn’s phone began to ring.