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Anorexic Shame

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BRAYZIABUNNYBITE
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I stared at my naked body in the mirror, thinking about how impossible it seemed. How come even though I barely ate I couldn't get any skinnier than 90pounds. I walked into the showers water and cut myself twice, one for failing to loose weight, two for not loosing any for the second week. I got out an put antibiotics on the cuts, the last thing I wanted to happen was a bunch of scars to form.  I get dressed, a long sleeved gray sweatshirt and a pair of short shorts. The way Mike liked it. I walked out and walked right into Mike, he stands there three feet taller than myself. I cringe at the sight of him. He reaches for my body examining it. 

"You havn't lost anything again!?!" Mike questioned, "Your never good enough, your such a damn ugly girl!"

     "Dad please, I'm trying me best!" I say my hands come up automatically as his hand goes up in the air. I shut my eyes as the fist slams into my jaw. I cry in pain and fall to the ground. He kicks me, but he never stops there. Once again I am there, wishing that I were dead, I were elsewhere. I don't say anything I just feel the pain. I finally give up to protect myself and I go limp, acting like I've been knocked out. He bend down and picks me up. He takes me to his room, like always laying me down. He cries over my brused body, like always. Finally he kissed every bruis, but like always he misses one. The one bruis I wasn't supposed to have. The one in my heart.

Mike leaves the room and I try to sit up. I can't, like always. I just lay there. After the beating, like always I talk to my dead mom and my dead dad. Mike was my Uncle, but after the car crash and his taking me in he has always wanted me to call him dad. He was my last relative, and I wish that he were dead. I wish I still had my mom, I wish I still had my dad, I wish I had never made the phone call to them, that day. And I think, I deserve all of this, I deserve this for killing my parents, and that is why Mike wanted me to call him dad. Just so that he could talk his little brothers place in my life, but my father had been a good man, could never hurt a fly. 

I wish you never picked up your cell phone, I wish I were with you.....where ever you are.  

I close my eyes and ignore the pain and focus on sleeping, I just wanted to be at peace.

                                   *********

I yawn as the sunlight reaches in through the window. Mike is sleeping next to me, dried tears are in the corner of his eyes, he looks Innocent and harmless. I groan and slowly get up. I go to my room, only a dresser consist in there because Mike had always wanted me in his bed. I pick out a blue jacket and a way too big shirt, and a short short skirt. All my bottoms were short short skirts. Mike only likes to see me in short things. I put them on and slide on mikes old way too big shoes. My small bony feet slide around inside. I slid on my heavy book bag and head out the door. I wait outside with the rest of the kids. Standing quite a big distance from them all.

 The bus finally arrived and I slid into the back away from all the other kids on the bus. finally we get to the school and I get off heading to the bathroom, like I normally do. Because of the way I dress, and the way that Mike wants my to stay I dislike many of the people at the school. I lock myself up in the furthest stall and then write on the wall. I stare past at all the writing I've done on the wall. 

you don't know Me, so don't judge me

  Some one rote next to that, who are you?

I pull my pencil out of my bag and write on the wall, I am forced to were short bottoms and long tops and shoes that don't fit. 

I finish writing and put my pencil away. The bell rings and I go to my first class, Algebra.

 

I walk in late, like normal. I listen to the snickers and comment they throw at me as I near my desk in the back of the room. 

"looks like our little slut, gave some blowjob's or something," 

Some of the boys snickered at James's joke. Yeah, they all thought I wanted to dree like this. To hide everything that he did to me. Mike didn't do a thing with my legs. Not once.  I sat there pretending to do my notes, sitting in the back of the room drawing a picture. The bell rings causing me to jump. I look down at my drawing and see what I didn't relise I was drawing. A girl on the ground, a man kicking her, and pulling her hair.

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