Anorexic Shame

"that's a pretty graphic picture you got there..." James says.

"Leave me alone," I say grabbing my stuff and getting out of my desk. I reached to grabb my book bag, but James had it. 

"Listen, I was kidding about earlier, you know, I wasn't trying to be mean, just to show off."

"I don't care," I snatch my bag from him and head out.

James's hand grabs my jaket. 

"look Kylee , the dance is coming up in three week....I was wondering if you would go with me, you know as an apoligy..."

"I have to ask Mike, but I won't be able to probally, and I'm not letting you in my panties," I say shoving him away from me and going to my next class, World History.

School ended, after all the snickers and being laughed at I got on the bus and headed home knowing what would come, the weighing, the cutting, the showering, the beating. Mike was right I was never good enough. I was the reson he don't have his family anymore. All he had was me to blam. The bus stops at the stop, I walk the block home and look up to the two story house. I take a deep breath and enter the house.

I walk upstairs to the bathroom and lock the door. Stripping my clothes off  and weighing myslef. I step on the scale and stand there watching it go up and fall several times and fall on 87pounds. I smile. Looking down at my bare arms, 14 cuts, but there would be no new cuts today. I turn the water on hot, all the way. I take a pee and get in, I stand and watch the steaming water trickle down my arms and legs. 

 I hear a knock on the door. I turn the water off and get dressed in the same clothes that I put on yesterday. I open the dorr and let Mike in as I start to brush my teeth. I turn toward the chart down my weight. He watches and he smiles at me when he sees my new weight. He reches over and pats my back. He turns me toward him and kisses my forhead adn pushes me out of the bathroom. He had to take his shower today. I wouldn't get beat today. I smile to myself. 

I go to Mike's room and make the bed. The King sized bed was finally made so I began to pick up the empty beer cans, and vodka bottles. After that I take Mikes dirty clothes an begin to place them in the washer.

The phone rings. I pick it up and hand it to Mike as he leaves th bathroom. He answers it.

"Hello?" He pauses as he listens. "No, I don't think so..." "Okay I'll come in early." He hangs up and I hand him some of his clean clothes. He smiles and ruffles my haid as he heads to the bedroom to get dressed. He come out of the bedroom and hands me a ten. 

"You can order some pizza or something I won't be home till late," He says as he grabbs his keys off the book case. He kisses my forhead and I listen as he starts his loud truck. Then He is gone. I get to work on the house cleaning it like always. I always liked to make him like me more on the good days, they never lasted long though. After cleaning all the rooms in the house I dust everything off and oil the wood floor in his study. 

I turn the tv on for a while, Thinking about buying supper, if Mike didnt see a box he would ask for the ten buck back. I got up and grabbed the phone calling for pizza, I would only ask for the box, but would give me a greesy box. Like they have always done for me, since James worked there. 

"Hello, Pizza hut here!"

"Hi, I'd like the normal empty greese box with a few peices please," I say

"Oh you must be Kylee, Okay we will send it too you, do you have a special person you want to send it to you?"

"like who?"

"um...James..."

"I don't really care," I say as I hang up.

I turn the tv up to full blast. After a while the door bell rings and I turn it down and head to the door. James stood there holding the box of three slices. I open the door and tell him to lay it on the coffee table.

"So, about the dance?"

"I haven't asked mike yet..."

"Your just going to it, I won't try to get in your panties or do something that you don't want me to do I promise, you the prettiest girl I know..."

"Your a big fat f' in liar," I say, I feel my arms get warm as he nears me. He looks at my eyes and smiles. 

I tell him he needs to go and I'm about to shut the door when James speaks up, " Can I ask you a question?"