Pressure

[8] Aiden

You stare out your window,

At the outside world.

You were no longer allowed to leave,

Except for school.

You are confined,

Restricted.

To your mother,

You are a prisoner.

A horrible human being,

Whose only form of correction is pain,

Isolation,

And torment.

Whoever Aiden was before,

Is nowhere to be found.

He is gone,

Lost,

Dead.

He can never be resurrected,

Because he is worthless.

He can never be perfect,

Or even close to it.

Cutting is the only thing left you have of him,

And Katie can’t know.
She would never understand,

What you’ve been put through.

The blade is the only time,

That you can feel close to normal.

Without it,

You don’t know what you would do.

Other than that,

You obey,

Follow,

Fulfil.

You obey,

Every order Mother gives you.

You follow,

The rules she has set.

You fulfil,

Every goal that she makes for you.

You always do the best,

That you can possibly do.

You achieve every goal,

Every demand,

Every perfection,

But it never is good enough.

No,

Mother knows,

Perfection is unattainable.

But that won’t stop her from trying.

You will never be perfect,

Impeccable,

Flawless.

But she will never realize that.

So instead,

You do your best,

Then you cut.

You try your hardest,

Then you cut.

You achieve her goals,

Then you cut.

Morning,

In the shower.

Day,

In the bathroom at school.

Night,

In your room.

You can’t stop,

No matter how hard you try.

It’s the only thing keeping you here,

Alive.

Without it,

The Aiden that Mother has created,

Would be dead.

But you’re close to breaking point.

You can’t take this anymore.

You shake,

When you know you haven’t done good enough.

You hear voices,

That tell you you’re worthless.

You pretend,

That you are okay.

But,

Deep,

Deep,

Down,

You know you’re far from okay.

You’re so far,

That you don’t know if there’s turning back.

One more thing,

Will send you over the edge.

What it will be,

You have no idea.

So you sit against your door,

And hold your razor to your wrist.

You bite your tongue,

Until you taste blood.

It’s the only thing you can do,

From,

Ending,

It,

All.