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I wanted your love, but look what it’s done to me. All my dreams have come to nothing, who would have believed? All the laughter that we shared would be a memory. I cannot count the tears you’ve cost me, if I could’ve seen?
And do you ever think of me, and how we used to be?
Oh, I know you’re somewhere else no doubt. Well I’m one for sorrow. Ain’t it too too bad?
Are you breaking someone else’s heart? ‘Cause you’re taking my love where you are.
Well I’m one for sorrow.
Ain’t it too too bad about us?
It’s what he’s done to me. I’ve messed up my life with him. I suppose it’s my fault for leading myself on this path. I should’ve ignored what he said but being called a lifeless stone isn’t exactly what you want to hear when you’re breaking up.That kind of thing is heart breaking if you think about it. I suppose it takes a toll on you slowly. Waiting to attack but never finding the right moment. Then that affect builds an effect on you.It affects you inside until it becomes you. It leads you to do things you never would’ve imagined. People talk about alcohol, drugs, suicides and you then reassure them that you’re never going to do it. You ask them why you would want to do that to yourself.
The only thing you’ve got to realise is what you have been through. That doesn’t change a thing though does it, all those bad things you promised you would never try doesn’t even cross your mind. You ask yourself why but you know deep down inside why you did it. Somewhere there’s a reason why but when you think about it there isn’t. You come up with all conclusions and just don’t find anything.
This is where they have put me, my new beginning in a rehab facility. At this point of the day I was sleeping with my eyes wide shut. I hate mornings there the worst. I like most places dark and secluded. No one in sight but of course, I can never be alone in this place.There are people everywhere nurses, doctors, therapists and people that come to get help.
If your wondering who put me here it was my parents. I guess they care a lot about me and are willing to pay for the top service. My ex is the reason why I’m here after our row I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. We both said harsh things more him than me though.I loved him and I’m almost sure that I still have feelings for him. I haven’t figured out there attentions yet but I’ll figure it out, eventually.
This is a daily routine for me to sleep with eyes wide shut, when the curtains open I finally have my eyes closed. The truth is I love sleep, I relive memories, I re-tell memories with a different aftermath which then becomes the memory I want to keep. Every night I dream the same row over and over again.I can’t change it. It’s the one thing that I can’t do. I can’t say I regret the argument but maybe some of the things I said were a little harsh. Then again he did cheat on me with our neighbour. I never really noticed anything going on between the two. The only conclusion I came up with was that they were very good at keeping themselves quiet and hiding the truth from me. I probably did notice things but they never registered in my head. I did feel something was wrong when he went on various business meetings and he didn’t back come for days.
I never told my therapist about what the argument contained but she knew that it got out of hand.This is really what happened, I got home from work early and I thought I’d surprise my boyfriend Mark. As I turned the key of my apartment and opened the door I saw both of them at it like rabbits on the sofa. I didn’t notice it was my neighbour until she turned to face me. Mark tried to explain himself but I was too busy trying to get the bitch out of my apartment. She only had time to put her jeans on before I threw her out.Mark started the argument and finished it with the final straw. He moved out taking everything he owed with him. He left all the things we bought together. He couldn’t even stay to watch me cry because he didn’t have the time.To top the masterpiece cherry my neighbour moved out after I confronted her. I wanted to know how long it had been going on seen as Mark decided it was best not to tell me. She told me they had been dating for months and that he was only holding on to me because I had a reasonable amount of money. So I softly slipped away...