A soft vibration coming from the inside of my purse made me look away from my group of best friends. I pulled out my phone from my purse, glancing down at the screen of my blackberry.
"Ooohh who is it this time? Jamie? Kyle? or maybe that hottie from the coffee shop last week...what's his name again?" Melanie asked looking around at the other girls.
"Ryan or Rick something, i think it is." Casey replied laughing as she set down her cup of coffee.
"You mean richard?" I smiled rolling my eyes. "That's the one!" Melanie crooned snapping her fingers.
"I had to admit that guy was the very definition of sex on legs" a chorus of agreements went around as my friends decided that this was the moment to comment on the men that I had been seeing.
Compared to my friends my track record with various guys, mine would probably extend past theres all combined together.
It's not that I have ever had bad luck with love. It's because I wasn't looking for love.
Usually when you ask a woman what she's looking for in a guy she will tell you a few of the following:
1. He has to be sensitive
2. He must be charming or chivalrous or something of that sort
3. He has to be single
4. He has to have a sense of humor
5. He has to be down to earth
Well let me burst that little bubble of yours darling. first of all men are incapable of being sensitve. The only thing they want to feel from or towards you is their own pleasure and I don't mean the pleasure of your company I can assure you of that.
Secondly chivalry died along with President Lincoln, so don't expect to see it rise from the dead along with the guy, because that doesn't happen like those sappy love stories that always airs on sunday nights when everyone is nursing a hangover before monday morning.
Thirdly every guy that says he's single and in the market rest assure that he ain't picking only from one bushle of apples. He's got a basket and trust me, that basket ain't small enough to fit just you inside it.
fourthly I have to agree with a guy having a sense of humor is an added bonus. But when he happens to crack a joke while you two are supposed to be having hot passionate sex, he's obviously not into it and is bored out of his mind if he has the ability to think about something hilarious to say.
And last of all men aren't down to earth and can never be just down to earth. You see men just think about two things before you even speak to them. Your ass and your breasts. The first time the two of you talk, he isn't really paying attention. He's on autopilot trying to figure out what size cup you wear or the type of panties you decided to wear under your skirt. Therefore when he seems flustered about not being able to answer your questions you know he isn't all there.
Now if you were to ask me what I look for in a guy, I would tell you this:
1. He has to be wearing that little gold band on the third finger of his left hand.
My name is Nora Trenton and I am a mistress.
Now I know you might be thinking that I just like the challenge or that I had daddy or abandonment issues as a little girl.
Well, you'd be wrong.
You see I didn't have those kinds of problems when I was a little girl. Relationships have never been my kind of thing.
You meet him in a park and what not, you go on a date, you fall in "love", you get married, you have a bunch of kids, you get into fights, your kids get hurt, you get hurt, you split up and then you end up an old maid with not a penny to your name and kids that want nothing to do with you.