"If I had a son, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer." - Kramer, in "The Handicapped Spot"

"Why don't we just put these two tables together?" "No no, you can't do that. They're round... it makes an eight...." - Elaine and George, who doesn't want any company on his date, in "The Visa"

"I was spottin' those raccoons..." "They were mailboxes, you idiot. I didn't have the heart to tell you." - George and Jerry, in "The Glasses"

"May I have one of those, madam?" - Kramer, making fun of George's glasses, in "The Glasses"

"My name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents." "I'm Victoria, hi!" - George and Victoria in "The Opposite"

"I show up! I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back I'm ensconced." "Hmmmmm.... Not bad." "What's the worst thing that could happen?" "Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs." "Yeah, so?" "Yeah, I see what you mean. I forgot who I was dealing with." - George and Jerry, in "The Barber"

Elaine enters. Elaine: What happened? It looks the same. Jerry: He didn't get to finish it. His uncle came in. We almost got caught. Elaine: Jerry, the auction is in a few hours. Jerry: Take the K-man. Elaine: (slight pause) You can still go. Kramer: What are you kidding? Look at him. He's grotesque. Elaine: You think? Kramer: Do I think? He's repugnant. Elaine fiddles with the hair, trying to make it not look so bad. It doesn't work. Elaine: What would you wear? Kramer: Whatever it takes. - Kramer, Elaine and Jerry, in "The Barber"

"Hmm, that job sounds like it might be worth a *year's* free haircuts. And a comb." - Newman, in "The Barber"

"Okay next bachelor is number, um 124 on your program. He's uh, he's a high school graduate." "Equivalent." "Oh, uh equivalency. A high school equivalency program graduate. He's uh, self-employed. He's... I don't know, six foot three, 190 pounds, he likes, uh... fruit, and he just got uh, a haircut." Kramer steps from the stage onto a table. The table tips over and Kramer falls off. "Oh, Kramer. Okay uh, why don't we start the bidding. Do I hear, uh, five bucks?" - Elaine and Kramer, in "The Barber"

"I think that you're in love with him." "What? That's ridiculous!" "No, I don't think so... You love him." "You better be careful on those rocks tomorrow, buddy. And you're not getting any sandwiches either!" - Kramer and George, in "The Stall"

"Ah, you're crazy." "Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?!" "It's impossible!" "Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?!" "It can't be." "Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?" "Alright, that's enough." "Yaaaaaaahhh!!!" - Jerry and Kramer, in "The Stall"

"I might have a whole new career here." "You mean *a* career." - Kramer and Jerry, in "The Alternate Side"

"It's not fair that people are seated first-come, first-serve. It should be based on who's hungriest. I feel like just walking over there and taking some food off somebody's plate. "I'll tell you what, there's fifty bucks in it for you if you do it." "What do you mean?" "You walk over to that table, you pick up an eggroll, you don't say anything. You eat it, say thank you very much, wipe your mouth, walk away, I give you fifty bucks." "What are they gonna do?" "They won't do anything. In fact, you'll be giving them a story to tell for the rest of their lives." "Fifty bucks? You'll give me fifty bucks?" "Fifty bucks. That table over there. The three couples." "Okay, I don't want to go over there and do it and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn't put mustard on it." "No, no tricks." "Should I do it George?" "For fifty bucks? I'd put my face in their soup and blow!" - Elaine, Jerry and George, in "The Chinese Restaurant"

"So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified. But I pressed on, and as I made my way past the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you Jerry, at that moment I was a marine biologist." - George, in "The Marine Biologist"

"The sea was angry that day my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli." - George, in "The Marine Biologist"

"Let me tell you something, funny boy...