"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'm honest, hardworking and dependable"
I pilfer office supplies.
"My pertinent work experience includes..."
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I take pride in my work"
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'm personable"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers.
"I'm extremely professional"
I carry a Day-Timer.
"I am adaptable"
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I am on the go"
I'm never at my desk.
"I'm highly motivated to succeed"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
