Angels Mark Edits & Backstory
Thank you for your support of Angels Mark on Wattpad. AM was first released in 2010. I had taken years off from writing to teach dance & theater, and later to take care of my mom. I was anxious about returning to writing and it took me about three years to finish the book.
I'm sharing a sample of the editing suggestions for AM. One of the bad habits I had was that I slipped out of tenses. For example, I'd write "He listened" instead of "He had listened". Slipping in and out of tenses makes writing sloppy, inconsistent, and jarring. Some of these edits might seem picky, but for every tivial mistake that is caught and cleaned up, the story improves a great deal.
Angels Mark is now free online. It is also sold as a paperback version and as part of a hardcover trilogy. The print versions are available in select bookstores and libraries. I've been invited to do workshops and booksignings with my daughter Cassandra, KiLA iLO artist and graphic novelist. Not only am I getting "out there" more, but also the book is receiving more and more attention because the plotlines are eerily close to real life events.
I'm relieved that the book is ready for a wider audience because it has been edited. Writers: always find a talented editor to help you finish your books. Of course AM could still be improved, but at this point it's best to let go of any remaining mistakes and regrets, and move forward with confidence. The dystopian trilogy is finished now, and I'm in the middle of the time travel trilogy. Onward and upward! My point is: my books will never be perfect, and I'll continue to improve over time, but I am much more confident when I know that my books have been edited. When I know that I've done my best, I can focus on improving my writing for the next book, and the next...
Editing Suggestions before Angels Mark was Published
Page 6: "“May I get you something?” said Bryce, a local college student who recently took this job waiting tables three nights a week."
Editing Suggestion: Might be better as "had recently taken" instead of "recently took"
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Page 20: "The time spent in the cozy restaurant heated her body like a charcoal brick"
Editing Suggestion: should be "The time spent in the cozy restaurant had heated her body like a charcoal brick
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Page 23: "Now she shared the mini-van, or at least she did, when life was normal.
Editing Suggestion: second comma is not needed
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Page 24: "The town, with a population of around 4,000, had received, and benefitted from, media attention"
Editing Suggestion: The proper spelling is "benefited" and this sentence is a little too wordy- I don't think you need to include both "received" and "benefited from". Maybe take out the "received"
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Page 36: "which was comprised of the East coast states"
Editing Suggestion: "Coast" should also be capitalized
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Page 67: "It seemed like another lifetime ago when Paul was selling vacuum cleaners, for which he had a natural gift. He outsold everyone, despite the fact he never got a good client list."
Editing Suggestion: might read more clearly/cleanly as "It seemed like another lifetime ago that Paul had been a vacuum cleaner salesman, a job for which he had a natural gift. He outsold everyone, despite never getting a good client list."
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Page 73: "What do you mean, Sir? She didn't order anything."
Editing Suggestion: Sir shouldn't be capitalized
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Page 74: "Paul left Handley Sweep & Repair and went directly home, to the empty house that had once occupied a happy family."
Editing Suggestion: should be "to the empty house that had once been occupied by a happy family"
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Page 89-90: "swimming at Winona Lake and getting stuck in the sea weed. Her mind rested on the Winona Lake story for a few minutes. When she had shouted for help, her father told her to relax, don’t panic, relax. She did, and the sea weed fell away, drifting around her in a swirl of harmless green gunk. She easily swam back to the pier. Life is like swimming in sea weed, she mused."
Editing Suggestion: "Seaweed" should be one word.
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Page 94: "He spent $428,000 on the car, a bargain."
Editing Suggestion: should be "he'd"
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Page 97: "He feared his mouth fell open."
Editing Suggestion: should be "He feared his mouth had fallen open."
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Page 105: "they joined a blue-grass group"
Editing Suggestion: it's just "bluegrass"
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Page 122: "And you went there because Kish doesn't require a Visa, right?"
Editing Suggestion: "Visa" is a proper noun when referring to the credit card, but not when referring to a travel visa.
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Page 133: "The phone rang. "Hello?" He answered with trepidation
Editing Suggestion: "He answered with..." either needs different punctuation or to be on a different line
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Page 134: "So why are you sitting in the power seat and I'm sitting in a puddle of drool?"
Editing Suggestion: "when" would work better than "and"
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Page 198: "The investigation into that would have lead to straight back to him"
Editing Suggestion: that first "to" isn't necessary
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Page 226: "...grabbing him into a floppy, unresponsive, embrace."
Editing Suggestion: second comma not needed
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Page 250: "- it wasn't politics, and it wasn't personal - they just liked Ann more."
Editing Comment: Isn't it kind of personal if they like her more?
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Page 283: "with lightening reflexes"
Editing Suggestion: should be 'lightning'
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These editing suggestions (and more!) have helped me clean up mistakes in my writing. I wasn't aware of some of the bad habits I had, so I made the same mistakes over and over! Editors help us produce a better book, but more importantly we can write better for the rest of our lives! I'm grateful for this gift.
