A/N: This is meant to be a parody. Please note that it does not represent my true writing skills. If you want proof that I can write a good fanfiction, check out my story Escaping Darkness. If you want proof that I can write a good story that is non-fanfic, then check out my other story, White Hawk.
Also, this is my entry for the Harry Potter Cliche Contest. The categories? All of them! :D That’s right, we’re talking a combination of all of those gooey cliches we just love! (note the sarcasm.) This is poking fun at how many fanfics are far too cliche in their plots, and how things just always seem to go right or wrong for poor Harry...or whoever the main character is. I made Tonks a year younger, to fit in with the plot. Now her age is correct. :)
Warning: may contain silliness and/or pure crap that will leave you headbanging your keyboard. Enjoy!
Harry stared back at Dumbledore. “I have a sister?” he asked weakly. Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes twinkling with madness.
“Oh, there’s more...when your mother was a student here at Hogwarts, before she started seeing your father...she was seeing another man, someone a bit older.”
“A man named Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. Yes, Harry, your sister is Voldemort’s daughter.”
Harry passed out.
When he came to, he noticed he was still in Dumbledore’s office. The man was sucking on one of those lemon drops he enjoyed so much, as he watched the younger man awake. “You reacted better than I expected,” the old professor chuckled.
“Who is she?” Harry croaked. “Where is she? Does she know we’re related?”
“She is actually a member of the Order,” Dumbledore replied slowly. “And you know her very well. She doesn’t know that you are her brother, nor that Voldemort is her father. Harry, your sister is none other than Nymphadora Tonks.”
Harry passed out again.
~ + ~
Having revived once more, Harry now stared wide-eyed at Dumbledore. “But...how? What about her mother, having memories of Tonks’ birth?”
“All placed there by Tom Riddle himself. You see, when Lily discovered she was pregnant, of course she told him. She hid the pregnancy magically, and it was only known by a certain Healer at St. Mungo’s, who Tom had hired to take care of your mother. Tom pretended to be pleased, and he was. He would have an heir of his own! But when the baby was born, he was displeased to find that it was a female. He had wanted a male heir. So he took the baby from your mother while she slept, and he stole away with her. Taking her to Andromeda and her husband, he modified their memories, so that they believed the babe was theirs. To those around them, they told of how they had kept the pregnancy secret, for fear of losing the baby before it was born and then having to face the sympathy of their friends.
“Tom also modified your mother’s memory. She did not remember the baby. In the process, she forgot him as well, a side effect he did not intend. By the time he moved to fix things, she was already dating your father. It was a reason he was all too happy to kill your parents. It wasn’t just because of the prophecy...it was because he had been unknowingly rejected. And he hates you because you represent the male heir he could have had - powerful and popular. His ticket to world domination.
“The only reason I know this story is because I managed to track down the Healer that cared for your mother. Tom conveniently neglected to erase her memory.”
Harry sat silently, stunned. “I had no idea,” he murmured. “Is that why Voldemort hates Tonks?”
“Yes. He hates her for what she symbolizes - the loss of your mother’s affections even though it was his own fault, his failure to produce an heir, et cetera. But deep down, a part of him loves her, for she is still his daughter. Haven’t you noticed how no one ever tries to kill her directly?”
“Well, yeah, but-”
“So you understand. Good! Now, out with you!”
Mind still burning with questions, Harry was magically thrown out of the room. “Bloody old coot,” he muttered, rubbing his behind where he had hit the ground. “Tonks, my sister? Bah.”
~ + ~
“Would you two stop that?”
Draco and Hermione stopped their snogging session, looking at Harry. They had been secretly going out for almost a year now, even though Draco would be tortured or killed if his father ever found out. “Well, sorry, Harry. I forgot you haven’t got a girl of your own,” Draco teased. Harry glared at him.