Suffering

Chapter 30.) I know you're suffering, but i love you.

" Hi mom." i felt the tears start pouring down my cheeks to the sound of her crying in the other end. " Lina!" i smiled to the sound of her happy voice crying my name , " i'm okay." i managed to speak. " I'm glad." my mom sniffed in the other end. " I'm ready to come home." i spoke in a lower tone. I glanced over at Justin who was leaned up to against the phone booth, arms over his chest. Leaning there looking down at my words, biting his lip. " Are you? I wanna see you." She said laughing lightly. " I wanna see you too." i frowned while i looked at Justin.

" Did Justin hurt you?" my worried mother asked as i looked down at Justin who was now starring at me. " No, he protected me." i smiled at him. " Do you love him?" i nodded " Yeah, with all my heart." Justin lipped, he loves me also, making me cry because i know we won't have each other soon. " I hope i have you home before Christmas." my mom smiled, " Your Aunt calls me everyday asking if you're home yet. I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago. We miss you Lina." 

  " i want to be with Justin for Christmas, do you think we can do that? I looked at Justin who was blushing uncontrollably making me smile at how adorable he was being about this. Justin noticed that i noticed and he hurried to cover his face with his hand making me giggle at how adorable he was being.

It was dead on the other end, or it was in my head. Starring into Justin's eyes made me fall in love with him over again. Every time i stare into his eyes i get the chills, my heart starts racing, and  i fall in love with him all over again.

  " Did you guys have sex?" My mom asked, Justin heard and smiled too me. " yeah, but i'm not pregnant."

" Is this the reason why you ran away with him? to have sex? Do you realize that because of you the world looks at me like i'm a shit parent, that i don't care about you, I've been interviewed ten times and every single one of them looked at me like i was a terrible mom. You teachers complained that i didn't watch you good enough. I told them you're 18 and had freedom. But they still looked at me like that. And because of that when you get home i'm gonna lose you. We'll be watched every second. Running away for six months made it was you'll be in school for years more, when your friends are ready to go into the world on there own. You won't get a good job, this ruined your life. Because of Justin. Just to be a little slut."

Her words hurt, but half of what she said was true, Justin and I would be graduating in a few months if we were in school, I'd have a good job, I'd be normal. But i am 18 and i have the right to go out into the world, i traveled far into the world. And i don't regret one bit of it.

" I'm sorry mom, but i don't regret leaving. You were a terrible mom to me. I'm not a slut, and i'm 18 you should stop worrying so much. At least i fell for one guy, not ten a week. Good, if we're being watched you won't get to beat me, call me bad names, or bring drunk men over."

" You're gonna regret being a little bitch too me, Lina. All i wanted to do was protect you. But you were too scared to talk to me, hug me."

" i was too scared, because you scared me!"

" Don't go and blame me for this."

" I'm not blaming, i'm telling the truth."

" Tell me where you are right now, i am coming to get you."

" Good luck." i hung up the phone angrily. Walking away from the phone and away from Justin, I quickly walked trying to ignore the stinging sensation between my upper thighs. " Lina, wait up." Justin called out from behind me. I really didn't want to talk right now i was pissed off. I started walking faster, Justin caught up to me pulling my wrists so i was immediately into his strong arms.

       " This is all your fault Justin, I would be graduating in a few months, I would of had a job, friends, i could of went back to my old life but now i have to re live it. I was almost done, almost out of school. Almost about to go into the real world but you dragged me here. And we only came here to get caught." I stopped talking from the tears pouring out of my eyes.

      " You're about to go back Lina.." Justin tried to whip the tears away but i pulled back a step. Running my fingers threw my hair i sighed loudly then hiccuped with the tears pouring from my eyes again. " my mom hates me more because of you." I said smacking Justin's chest. " it's all your fault!" I hit him again, " you ruined me! my mom even said so!" i punched Justin's rock hard abs hitting him over and over again til i was pulled into his chest. 

    Tightly i grabbed onto his shirt feeling safe again, Justin running his fingers through my hair, kissing the top of my head Whispering " I'm Sorry." over and over again.

    " I know what I did was wrong, I regret some parts, like the fact I ruined your future, you'll never forget being raped, me cutting your hair, me killing everyone, Jake being killed. But I don't regret loving you, getting to know you, getting to hold you in my arms, being able to kiss you, being able to tell you how much I love you. I feel in love with you, I feel in love with you so much I think I was drunk. Being able to make love to you over, and over again. I hope you'll never forget me. I never loved someone as much as i loved you. When we're apart I want you to find someone so much better than me, someone who won't take you away from your parent. Take you away from your life, let you live it the way you want to. But i want you to be happy. And when i'm in jail and you have kids, come visit me. I would want to meet their beautiful faces." Justin came closer to me, closer than i ever felt him before.

he leaned down to my ear.. then said " don't worry baby, i got you. i won't let anyone hurt you, i know you're suffering but .. i love you "

That was the last thing i heard him say to me before i heard the police sirens in the background of us. It's over.