No Ordinary Fan Fiction...

Chapter 9

((A/N: it would probably be useful to mention that the year that is Darren's last year at Hogwarts, is the year before Harry's first year at Hogwarts. Which explains Dumbledore and Snape being alive and also people knowing about Sirius Black.))

"So, did you guys eva hear tha one about Sirius Black and Flitwick’s li'l bruva? So, Flitwick’s li'l bruva's walkin’ down tha streets of Londun… And Sirius Black, ‘e’s in this storm drain, right?… Dressed as a clown. An’ ‘e’s like, 'Hey, Flitwick’s li'l bruva, It’s me! A clown!' And Flitwick’s li'l bruva’s like, “Yeah chap? Whatchoo want?” An' Sirius Black’s all like, 'Oh, Flitwick’s li'l bruva, you gotta get down this storm drain, ‘cause You’re. Missin’. Out! We’ve got a carnival down ‘ere! We’ve got loads of cottun candy, and balloooons!' An’ the kid practically flips, ‘e goes, '… I gotta get down there… That sounds like a RIGHT TREAT, THAT DOES!'  So... ‘E reaches down ‘is arm, right? But Sirius Black, ‘e grows ‘is mad teeth and ‘e BITES THE KID’S ‘EAD OFF!"

Everyone jumped in fright at these last few words, But Brian beckoned them closer, and they all leaned in once more to here how the thrilling tale ends.

"…An’ two days layta… That kid died."

As Brian Rosenthal's epic story finished, the group of students that surrounded him looked silently at each other - their eyes seemed ten times larger than usual thanks to Brian's engrossing story. Brian folded his arms, looking very chuffed with himself as he leaned back against the Oak tree. The group of Gryffindors were outside in the school grounds in the blistering cold, huddled under the Oak tree for warmth. The clouds above them were swarms of grey and everyone knew that there would be a storm later that night. It had been raining all the previous night as well. Drops of water fell from the Oak tree's leaves like teardrops.

"That's poppycock!" Devin said to Brian who seemed horrendously offended. Darren rolled his eyes and left the group as they bickered with each other, and made his way back into the castle and to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Collywobbles," Darren said, and the portrait swung open. He stepped inside to see Joey sat on the couch nearest the fire, writing an on some parchment with immense concentration on his face, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

"Joey!" Joey looked up just in time to see Darren galloping towards him. Next thing anyone knew Darren was on top of him, ruffling Joey's dark hair and laughing.

"Gays," someone mumbled from a corner, but they ignored this.

"When did you get out of the hospital wing?" Darren asked, getting off of Joey and sitting next to him on the couch.

"About an hour ago," Joey replied, "I skipped Transfiguration. Professor Sparrow weirds me out."

"Don't blame you man, today he wanted us to-" Darren didn't finish, Joey pulled him down onto the floor with him and they layed there while Joey kept a finger pressed to his lips to silence Darren.

Justin walked through the portrait hole with two girls linked on his arms and another three following him, flicking their hair and giggling. Joey narrowed his eyes while he watched from around the corner of the couch as Justin crossed the room, reluctantly released the girls from his arms and then blew them a kiss before walking up to the boys dorms. The girls stared after him helplessly.

Joey and Darren returned to the couch.

"What was that about?" Darren asked, fixing his curls. Joey held up the parchment he had been writing on - bulletpoints in messy black ink ran down the page.

"I've been plotting," Joey said with an evil grin. Darren raised a triangular eyebrow. "I'm gonna get Bieber. I'm gonna make him look so stupid."

Darren read some of the ideas scrawled on the parchment.

    > Hide his blowdryer.

    > Replace his hair gel with boil pus.

    > Draw a mustache on him while he's sleeping.

    > Tell all the girls that he wets the bed.

    > Tell him that Bonnie is a lesbian.

"Dude, i don't think Bonnie will thank you for that last one," Darren said. Joey just shrugged.

"Hey, speaking of Bonnie, I was thinking you could maybe... help me.. get together.. with her," Joey blushed, lowering his voice. "I'll help you get together with Sami?"

Despite Joey's voice being barely audible he still clamped his hand over Joey's mouth and looked around to see if anyone had heard. If people knew Darren liked a Slytherin, he'd never hear the end of it.

"Okay, we can help each other. But I'm looking for something that will last. Don't just thrust her upon me, I want it to be romantic... I'm not just some floozy." Joey gave an understanding nod and began twirling his quill with his fingers, thinking.

"I just don't know how to compete with Bieber. I know he likes her... And I don't even know if Bonnie likes me. I just wish I had the guts to make her see..." Joey said, trailing off as if he was speaking to himself. He was still staring at the quill.

"See what?" Darren asked.

"I just wish she knew... that... that I don't want someone perfect as could be. I just need the one who's perfect for me. I mean, yeah her feet are huuuuge and her hair is pretty frizzy unless she uses magic on it and sure she has one of those weird outy belly buttons and yeah she's a bit like a salad. . . but she'd be one of those awesome salads, you know? Like, the ones with that amazing dressing on that comes with shredded chicken and those little peanut-sized tomatoes..."

A girl who had stopped in her tracks to listen when Joey said this suddenly fainted to the floor, disappearing beyond the couch. That was probably the most sentimental thing Joey had ever said.

Darren slapped a hand on Joey's droopy shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"You just need to remember, that there's nothing more badass than being yourself," he said. Joey smiled at him. "Besides, you're way better than me at talking to girls."

"Ha! No way," Joey said grinning.

"Oh yeah? When I was fourteen I told this girl that my biggest fear was turning into an inanimate object. She thought I was weird and she ran away."

"You're such a goober."

"I know..." Darren layed back on the couch, resting his hands behind his head.

"Hey, what's that on the walls?" Joey suddenly asked, pointing at the wall opposite them. Darren looked to where Joey was pointing and then grinned.

"Those are the cupcakes I threw."

". . .You threw cupcakes at the wall? . . .Why?"

"Why not?"

. . .

"Touche."