Louis (15) - I live with my brother Louis because we are very close. I am also very close to all he boys.
They warned me if I did move in with him that I would reserve a lot of hate and when I did, not to listen. I promised them I wouldn't listen. I broke that promise. It just got to damn hard. I never told Louis because I didn't want him to be disappointed in me.
I started to cut myself in order to deal with all the pain. It started with a few scratches here and there, then using scissors to cut my palms, then steak knives to cut my thighs, and now razors that cover my arm. My arms are filled with cuts from top of wrist to my shoulder. I am always careful to cover my arms with long sleeves, luckily in London it's very cold. The top of my thighs are also covered in cuts but they are high enough for me to wear shorts. Louis and the boys can never know.
Today was an oddly hot day in London, but luckily for me, Louis was out all day with the boys doing who knows what.
I was just in one of Louis' short sleeve tops walking around the house. I walked down to the kitchen to get some water when I heard the front door open. I panicked and ran from the kitchen, but with my luck I crashed right into Louis, sending us both to the ground.
"Where you off to turbo?" Louis laughed, getting up.
"Uh um I just um thought I um heard my phone" I lied. Louis extended his hand to help me up, and out of reflex I took it, completely ignoring my arms.
When I was up I went to pull my arm back but he held his grip. I looked up only to see him looking at all the cuts.
"Oh no baby girl" he whispered, tracing some of the cuts. My eyes started to tear up as I struggled to pull my arm away from him. He can't see anymore. He just can't. The more I struggled, the tighter his grip got.
"Enough" Louis almost yelled. That's it, I started crying, no, sobbing. Louis pulled me into a tight, safe, hug.
"Shhh baby girl shhh. It's only Lou. I'm here now. Shhhh. Don't cry baby. Tell Lou why you did this. Tell Lou please" he said, tears in his own eyes. I told him about all the hate I got, and how much I believed it. I told him how I did this to deal with the pain. I was pretty much gasping for air at the end of the story.
"Breathe baby, it's ok baby, Lou is here now, I'm gonna help you baby, ok? No more hurting yourself. I'm here now" Louis told me.
Louis took my arms again to look at them closely, to see how deep they were. "Were gonna clean your pretty little wrists ok? And then we can watch some movies, and your gonna sleep in my room tonight ok? And then we can talk about this tomorrow. That sounds good doesn't it?" He told me. I nodded my head.
Just about as we were gonna get up, the front door opened, and I heard 4 voices I really didn't want to hear right now.
"Shit. I forgot the boys were coming over." Louis whispered.
As the boys entered, I panicked. They all saw me and Louis hugging on the ground, red eyed and everything.
"What's wron-" Harry started. "Her arms" Liam interrupted. They all looked at them after what Liam said, and needless to say, they all created and bone crushing hug. I cried, once again. It was hard enough that Louis knows, but now the boys? They all said comforting words. When the hug ended, Louis told them he was gonna go clean up my arms, and the boys could go find some movies for us to watch.
Louis and I headed for the bathroom, him carrying me. He set me on the counter and got out the disinfecting soap. As he turned on the water, the bathroom door opened to reveal Harry.
"I um I wanted to help" Harry said. He never had his own little sister to protect or look after, so when he met me, he treated me like I was his baby sister. I don't see why we would need help.
"Hold her arms would you? The soap may sting and I don't want her to wipe it off or move." Louis explained. I can handle myself I thought. Harry came over and slowly took my arm, looking at them for the first real time.
"Oh baby" he whispered, kissing me on the top of my head. Louis put some soap on his hands and gently put them on my right arm. Holy shit, it burned worse than the cut itself. I screamed and tried to pull my arm away but Harry held my arm firmly. Niall and Zayn ran in at the sound of my screams. Zayn saw how my whole body moving effected Harry being able to hold my arm, so he came over and held me from behind.
"Shhh baby shhh let him clean your arm. It's ok baby. It will feel better when he's done. Shh don't focus on the pain baby" Zayn whispered to me. By now Niall was holding my other arm while Liam cleaned that one. Double the pain. Grrreeeeaaatt. I was trying to pull my arms away but Harry and Niall were much stronger than me. I tried thrashing my body but Zayn held me tight, saying reassuring things to me.
|Zayn Malik||as Zayn|
|Harry Styles||as Harry|
|Liam Payne||as Liam|
|Louis Tomlinson||as Louis|
|Niall Horan||as Niall|