Life of Loudness - A Very Short Story

 Life of Loudness

Copyright 2011 © DesktopEpics Entertainment

Copyright 2011 © Corey A. Burkes

Started Writing: 12/29/2011 9:15 AM

Ended First Draft: 12/29/2011 5:03 PM

Henry Yout (as in what’s a yout? – see My Cousin Vinny) loved his home in the ‘burbs. Five bedroom corner home with all the trimmings was the reward for a good life well charted. He did the good grades thing. He did the four years of college thing. He’s been at his job for over fifteen years and recently got his promotion to senior VP. He did the marry the high school sweetheart thing, and had two point five children with her. The point five was baking in mama’s oven currently. The subdivision was on sloping mounds so the corner property was on a hill and sported a white, country fence.

Yes, folks—he did it. House on a hill, wife, 2.5 children and a white picket fence.

Looking at his property and his accomplishments, he couldn’t help but to pat himself on the back and give himself the congratulatory solo chest bump followed by a Tebow touchdown kneel right in front of his lawn mower.

“Daddy!” His four-year-old daughter yelled out from the porch, catching him in his ego praising. He started wiping off the gears and checking the wheels to pretend he wasn’t doing what he was doing.

“Hey, honey.” Why don’t you come outside and help daddy?”

“Ok, I will!”

Followed by a sharp, “No, you won’t!” It was his wife, Sharon, stepping outside to take in the beautiful summer air and snatch up their full-haired child that simply refused to get her hair done. Apparently mommy pulls too hard.

Henry could say the same thing too about his wife—arrgh, be it not the hairs she be pullin’ at, me hearty. His smile was evident from across the yard.

Sharon covered her daughter’s ears quickly. “Keep your dirty little pirate-ass thoughts to yourself. That’s Friday night madness and it’s Sunday, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Arrgh, when ye gonna let me claim more booty.”

As sweetly corny as he was, Sharon almost considered letting him plunder her booty if it wasn’t for the fact that she had a list of chores and things to do and an uncomfortable two ½ months of pregnancy to go. Regardless, unfortunately for Henry, spontaneous pirating of his wife’s treasures was never her best trait.

“We have hair to do, missy. You’re welcome to help, daddy.”

Assisting the washing, combing and brushing of his daughter’s hair was on par with peeling his finger nails off with Palmolive liquid acid. “No thanks,” he kicked on the lawn mower. “But you can keep calling me daddy if you want to. You know? The suitable rejoinder to the query ‘Whose your…?’ followed by the traditional cupped hand arching back ninety degrees, aimed directly for the gluteus maximus. And speaking of pulling hair…”

Sharon pulled their daughter away shaking her head at her sex-fiend husband. “You have to stop.”

In Henry’s mind, he wished she would start. Or at least start more often. Maybe this was all there was to his marriage. Scheduled sex at best once a week, at worst once a month. Birthday, extra freaky lovin’ was planned and always expected but overall, this was it. Work, family time, nothing unplanned. Nothing risqué.

Before he let his mind drift into a Dr. Phil episode, Henry already tried the talk to the spouse and be open routine. He might as well have revealed he was a serial killer. Apparently, there are things intimately that his wife just will not explore and so … Henry mowed the lawn.

Coming around the side of his house that divided his from his neighbor, Carl Grant and his wife, Meryl, Henry stopped to drink some water. Between homes, there was about twenty-thirty feet of distance. The Kentucky Bluegrass belonging to Henry gave away how much lawn belonged to him verses Carl’s drought resistant Bermuda. While the whole subdivision was built with Bermuda grass, seems Henry was the only one with an off-breed landscape and he suffered for it when the local lake was below regulatory water usage. He couldn’t water his lawn and his property turned a dead brown while others were still in full green that part of the year.