WHAT AM I?
I ask again, ‘what am I?’
Whether I am there or not?
Do I even exist?
No, I have not got mad.
I say so, because I feel so.
What am I, After all?
Just a thing that breathes,
However, lifeless it maybe.
A daughterless soul,
A sisterless soul,
A friendless soul,
There is no need of my existence.
Does anyone even care?
Give it a second thought?
Before inflicting the pain on me?
I don’t think so.
Maybe I am wrong,
Which I am usually,
But I am now tried
Of being wrong, mistaken.
What is there left?
All the things I did?
What if I don’t get to mingle?
What if I don’t get to smile?
It doesn’t matter,
Because I am for the life,
In their debt,
My life holds no meaning.
I waited, as her words
Crushed my soul,
If I stayed behind,
It was for my own good.
If I never learnt,
How to fly,
It was because my wings,
Didn’t have the strength.
If I never knew how to do
A particular thing,
It was because,
I had poor memory.
All the things,
I do, I do it wrongly,
What a life do I live?
With no tune, no lyrics.
Certainly, the flow is missing,
I, however, searched till I could
Until, where my last resource were,
But to my dismay, it could not be found.
Juggling, my indebted life,
I waited, for this curse to end,
Take away my misery,
Lighten the agonizing pain.
The same twinge,
That engulfs my heart,
Tells me that I am,
None other than living.
I am at fault,
For sure,
Who else could it be?
It is mine.
I am to be blamed,
For being selfish,
For not demanding,
For not trying to be freed.
You think the same?
Isn’t it?
The passerby, who looks my way,
With pity filled in your eyes.
But please, I don’t need it,
I am okay, just fine,
With what I have,
It doesn’t matter if I am not living.
Do remember, all my anomalies,
For I am such a lousy person,
Not even capable of standing up,
I feel betrayal of the world.
My shoulder ache,
Ache caused due to the stab,
The stab that I received way back,
Back when I was too small to even voice.
Clutching, whatever is left of me,
I make my way,
Towards that place, called heaven,
Waiting for the answer, ‘What am I?’
Khwaish
