The Days Of Kelsea's

(37) Kelsea - Tuesday 2nd October, 10 p.m, Kale's house

(37)Kelsea - Tuesday 2nd October, 10 p.m, Kale's house

I went to see Gram today. She's getting worse.

I saw it as soon as I walked into the room. Her cheekbones sticking out, the sallow skin stretched over them. Her eyes are sunken and her hands shake.

I don't understand how this could happen so quickly. When I went to her house a few weeks ago she was full of life, and then she went to the hospital and is now suddenly sickly and ill - visibly so.

She's still as cheery as ever, even though she had to keep pausing for breath and to cough when she was speaking to me. I brought her some books from the library that she told me to get last time I went to see her - I've been to the hospital every weekend and some days after school since she's gotten ill, but today was the first time I went alone.

"If you don't want Lucy to know what's wrong, can't you tell me now? She's not here." I sat beside Gram's bed as the little TV flashed colour across the room and the rain dripping down the window.

"I don't want to talk about that, please, Kelsea. I just want to enjoy your visit." Behind her smile I could see sternness, and also pain - so I dropped it.

I wanted to talk to her about Lucy and the note, but she's ill and I don't want to make her worry. I don't know where to go, who to tell.

When it was time for me to leave - I stayed there for two hours and then the nurses ushered me out - I was in tears as I walked back down the corridor and through the reception and down the stairs. I've never felt more helpless and alone. When I used to get into trouble or I needed help or someone to talk to, Gram would be who I spoke to. However now, it's me who's comforting her, with just my presence alone.

I went over to Kale's, and I'm here now. It's so great that his parents don't mind, and don't throw me out when Kale falls asleep and I pretend to be asleep beside him. I'm sitting on his bed against the headboard with him facing me, his head beside my lap where this diary is.

My heart is beating in the roof of my mouth because Kale has never been this close to my diary. Nobody has - nobody knows I have a diary and I'm going to keep it that way.

When I got to Kale's house, Lucy was there. She was baking with Christianna in the kitchen. Christianna answered the door with a beautiful smile, and I felt a sudden rush of affection for her, with her lovely long golden hair and lovely personality. It's so easy to like people who are good-looking when all they do is smile and act friendly - how bad is that?

Kale and Christie's parents weren't in. I went up to Kale's room to find him sticking up a new poster, diagonally.

"Hey." He turned his head around and grinned, his arms above his head as he pinned one corner, causing his navy shirt to lift and display the waistband of his jeans and some skin.

I smiled and sat down on his bed, watching him. "That's crooked."

"It's meant to be!" He laughed and stuck the other corner down then turned around and came to sit beside me. "How are you?"

"I went to visit Gram." I grabbed his hand and began to absentmindedly play with it. "In the hospital. She's gotten worse."

Before I had knocked on the front door, I'd frantically wiped my hands over my cheeks to get rid of any tear stains, but now I could feel myself getting all worked up again.

"You still haven't found out what's wrong with her?" Kale whispered, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I shook my head and held my breath to try to keep the tears at bay. "I tried to ask again but I don't want to keep asking. She said she doesn't want to think about it."