It was two hours and I was giddy. No one had noticed who I was! It was remarkable. For the first time in over a year, people smiled at me. With sincerity! I was flabbergasted. I spent most of the time walking around gaping like some blowfish. Some of the girls smiled thinking my reaction was to the elaborate decor. I just nodded quickly, not wanting them to know that I was stunned because of the kindness and normalcy that my pack had shown me. I was a normal girl, at a party having a good time. People asked me if I wanted a drink. If I was having fun! They let me sit with them! I felt like I belonged, like I was a part of a pack. I was elated!
For two hours I stared in awe and delight observing everything around me. It felt so good to see people that I knew and grew up with enjoying themselves and being happy. For one night the pain of the last year was forgotten. Everybody had placed their burdens aside to spend some time with their community drawing strength from each other.
Then I saw Conrad.
My heart was overcome with longing and love. He walked into the room and everyone was so happy to see him. Their eyes filled with admiration and respect. Yet the thing that took my breath away was how he looked. Serene, calm and at completely at ease. His face was void of any stress and anger. It was the first time I had ever seen him look that way. A part of me wished that I could have made him feel that way. Yet I couldn't help but rejoice in the fact that he was in high spirits.
Despite his rejection I couldn't help but still love him, after all he was my soul mate. Entirely and completely, he captivated me. Just his presence made my heart ascend into delight. I knew that this was the only chance I would ever have to see him like this, so I cherished every moment. Most people would have called me crazy for feeling this way after all the unimaginable hurt he had thrust upon me, but he was my mate. He was also someone I loved deeply and fully. Just being close to him made me feel a little complete. I was happy. Still, I knew that it was clear that we would never be. So instead I chose to savor this time I had. It was most probably the only chance I would ever have to be in a room with him without him wanting to kill me.
I was so in awe of him I didn't even realize that I had been staring at him for twenty minutes. It was only when he turned and caught me that I looked away. Fear came over me. I was so frightened that he figured it out that I sat frozen, unable to move, terrified that he would become the man I had known. I didn't want to see his face change from delight to misery. Knowing that I was the source of such wretchedness would devastate me in a manner that I couldn't describe. My heart would shatter.
I didn’t think I could handle another heartbreak.
Each step he took towards me only increased my heighten emotions. I looked down, not wanting to see the revulsion that was surely on his face.
"Hello, I couldn't help but notice you staring at me. Do I have something on my face that no one wants to tell me about?" He asked me bemused. I looked up, uncertain of his tone, as I had never heard it before. His eyes twinkled in delight and his mouth curve upward in a gentle smile. He didn't know who I was. In shock I shook my head, gesturing no. He smiled wider and held out his hand.
"Well, a pretty lady like you sitting all alone for so long means that you didn't come with anyone. Would you like to dance?" He asked.
Conrad wanted to dance? With me?! I knew I should have said no. I should have made some excuse to leave. He wanted me dead for goodness sake! I should have hated him. My humiliation and pride should have made me punch him in the face. But I was alone and I was so tired of not having anyone to love me. I just wanted him to hold me. To want me, to make me feel like I was worth something, even if it was just for a song. As much as I needed to reject him, I needed him to hold me so much more.