Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Thirty-Four

"I ain't wearin' this shit." Daryl exclaimed, picking up a riot helmet and dumping out what looked like brown, dirty slime. I made a face, trying not to think about what the hell it was. Rotting brain juice managed to wedge its way into my thoughts anyways.

"Why not? Scared of a little zombie germs?" I joked weakly. Secretly, I agreed full force with him. I was not putting that thing on my head. Rick and Glenn had found some old weapons and riot gear stored away near the guard's room. Most of it would prove useful and I knew it was a lucky find. Which was why we were suiting up to explore the rest of the prison. There was a hope we'd find food, weapons, and desperately needed medical supplies. Lori was getting closer and closer to delivering that baby every single day.

Daryl shot me a look before shoving the sticky helmet into my hands. "You wanna wear it? Be my fuckin' guest." I put my hands up right away, pushing it away from me. It felt to the floor with a thud and Daryl smirked at me. "That's what I thought." He said smugly.

"Alright, enough horsin' around." Rick interrupted us. "We need stay alert. We have no idea what the rest of the prison is like."

We all gathered around the table and divided up the weapons and gear. I carried my gun on my hip, as well as my hunting knife. In my hands, I carried my lucky baseball bat. Maggie had talked me into putting on one of the padded vests, although I protested at firsts. I wasn't sure what a bullet proof vest would do since zombies couldn't shoot guns. In the end, I ended up wearing it after she convinced me it would be harder for a walker to bite through. I ignored Daryl's taunting smirks, no doubt fighting the urge to open his mouth and shoot some smartass comment at me about wearing zombie germs. Plus paying too much attention to the curve of his mouth was just going to get me more and more in trouble. Instead, I focused harder on what we were about to do.

I was more nervous than I had been the day before. It would be darker deeper inside the prison. The corridors would be like a maze and I knew it would be easy to get separated and lost, especially if something were to go wrong. Glenn carried a can of spray paint to help prevent getting too turned around, though, and would mark the walls with arrows so we could get back to the cell block. When we were finally ready to go, Rick unlocked the gate and we moved silently deeper into the prison.

The quietness unnerved me. My palms were sweaty and the dampness made the bat slick in my hands. I tightened my grasp. Daryl was a few steps ahead of me, moving effortlessly through the dark. He had his crossbow held in front of him, which gave me some comfort. I knew by now that his aim was deadly and he wouldn't hesitate we got into a tight spot. The smell was rank, like mold and decay. Pieces and parts of bodies littered the floor as we picked a path through the prison and I tried not to think about what I was stepping on.

Every time we turned a corner, I could hear the spray of the paint can though it was almost hard to hear anything over the pounding of my heart. So far, though, things were going well. 'Too easy' a voice in the back of my head warned. I did my best to ignore it, but a hollowed feeling in my stomach seemed to agree. Just as the warning bells were beginning to found in my head, we turned the next corner to come face to face with a pack of hungry, ravenous walkers. The sound of their moans sent shivers down my spine. I knew I did not want to be trapped here in the dark with these things.

"Go back! Hurry!" Rick hissed.

I took a few quick steps back before turning around hustling in the opposite direction, Herschel at my side. The next turn proved to be the wrong one as well. Another group of walkers was waiting for us. My stomach dropped as I realized how bad this was. Walkers one way, walkers another. There weren't many other ways to go. I heard Rick's voice behind me and turned to follow him. The flashlight beams were bouncing off the walls and the moans and groans of the walkers mixed in with the shouting coming from our group. It seemed like a dead end around every corner. The walkers were streaming towards us from what felt like every direction. All the concrete halls began to look the same, which only made me want to panic more.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I cried, slowing down. "Where the hell are Glenn and Maggie?" My voice shook.

Daryl dropped back to grab my elbow and tug me forward. "We'll find 'em, we can't stop movin' though!" He said urgently.

We ducked around the next turn and piled into what looked like a storage closet. My breath was coming in short, ragged bursts and I struggled to control it. "We lost Glenn and Maggie." I breathed out.

"We have to find them! We need to go back!" Herschel said, sounding panicked.

T-Dog nodded in agreement. "Do you remember where you lost 'em?"

I nodded. "Right before that last turn. I looked behind me and they weren't there."

"We'll wait for it to thin out and go find 'em. I'm sure they're doin' the exact same thing we are right now." Rick assured Herschel in a strong, even tone. In that moment, I was reminded of why I admired the officer so much as a leader. He was confident and cool in the worst situations, but still refused to leave anyone behind.

We sat huddled in the tiny room for what felt like years, but I knew was only a matter of minutes. I felt Daryl's presence at my side and glanced in his direction. "Good?" He asked me quietly, his eyes boring into mine.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good." I said, swallowing hard.

There wasn't time for anymore, though, as Rick swung the door open and we all filed out behind him. It had quieted once again, which did little to put me at ease. I didn't care how silent it was, I knew those things were out there somewhere in this maze. Our footsteps echoed off the walls, mixing in with Herschel's hurried whispers for Glenn and Maggie. I led the way with Daryl at my side, trying to remember the exact spot where I had noticed the pair's disappearance.

We didn't get very far before Herschel's strangled cries pierced the air. I whirled around just in time to see a decrepit walker on the ground that had latched itself to the old farmer's leg. My eyes widened in horror as I realized it had torn into his calf. My heart sank. I felt like it was Dale all over again.

"Daddy!" The terrified shriek came from over my shoulder and suddenly Maggie and Glenn had appeared. I turned around and caught the horrified look on Maggie's face and thought I felt my heart physically break for her. Over her shoulder I could see walkers pouring around the corner, coming at us.

"We gotta go! Move him now!" I shouted, grabbing Maggie's arms and pulling her towards the others. They managed to get Herschel up and started half carrying him, and half dragging him, down the hall. Rick was shouting Daryl's name and through the chaos I watched him take down at least three or four walkers with his crossbow as we all desperately scrambled for safety.

Maggie and I pushed ahead of the group and spotted a door at the end of the hallway. It was handcuffed shut. I hammered on it desperately with my fists, yelling to the others that it was a dead end. Glenn was at my side not even a full second later, snipping the metal cuffs off with a giant pair of shears. We rammed the door open together, spilling inside. The doors slammed shut behind us as T-Dog leaned against it, keeping the hungry walkers outside at bay. A quick glance around the room told me we were in a cafeteria. More importantly, we were safe. At least for now, but there was no time to catch our breath. Herschel was on the concrete floor, crying out in pain. The sound was almost unbearable. Maggie held her father's head in her lap, tears streaming down her dirt stained face. My eyes traveled down to the gaping wound on the man's leg, where a bite sized chunk of flesh had been removed. Blood streamed out relentlessly.

"What'd we do?" I heard Glenn yell over the chaos.

I glanced at Rick and saw the determination in his eyes. He wasn't going to let this man die. He handed me the flashlight, asking me to hold it steady over the bite while he made a tourniquet around Herschel's leg. I had an idea of what was about to happen, but held my ground. Seconds were ticking away and each one that passed diminished Herschel's chances of staying alive. I grit my teeth, struggling to keep my shaking hands steady as Rick suddenly pulled out the ax and started hacking off the leg just above the bite.

The sound of breaking bone turned my stomach and my mouth started to taste like acid. I pushed the feeling aside as best I could. I had to keep it together, for Herschel. His screaming amplified for a few minutes before dying away completely. My head snapped to his face to see his eyes shut, mouth slack. For a terrifying second, I thought he had died. That the pain and blood loss had been too much. Maggie caught my eye.

"He's still breathing! He's alive! Just out cold!" Her voice shook with relief.

"We can't stay here, we need to get him back to the cell block." Daryl said.

"There's a food cart over there! We can use it as a stretcher and wheel him back." I suggested, nodding towards a metal cart in the corner. Glenn shot up and hurried to get it. I peeled off the heavy riot vest and pulled my jacket off, pressing it Herschel's stump in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. It was soaked through in minutes.

We worked as quickly as possible and in a matter of seconds, Herschel was on the cart and we were wheeling him back through the walker infested halls. Daryl jogged ahead of us, taking down the geeks and clearing a path. I hung back with the others, keeping my hands pressed on the bleeding stump. In my head, I was desperately pleading for him to live. He had to live, if not for himself then for his two girls. Maggie and Beth would be so broken.

When we made it back to the cellblock, the first thing I noticed was the utterly devastated, crumpled look in Beth's face. I fell back as Herschel was rushed into a cell, watching from the door as Carol began taking control. I wondered for a brief second if she had been a nurse or if she just knew these things. Either way, I knew I would be more in the way then helpful at this point. Plus, I couldn't take looking at Beth and Maggie's faces as they watched their daddy fade away.

I walked back to the main room and slumped onto one of the metal tables. God, why was everything always so unfair? Why was it always the good ones? In the past three months, I had seen more death and destruction than anyone needed to see. I had seen the people I cared about die. I had lost everything. Did anything good ever happen anymore? I felt deflated and hollowed inside and for the first time in months, I thought I might cry. I wanted to cry for those two kind, beautiful girls who were watching their strong, caring father cling to life in the next room. I wanted to cry for Carol who had lost her daughter, for Lori and that perfect baby that was going to be born into this hellish world and would never know what it was like to feel safe.

"Charlie?" I recognized the southern drawl that tugged at my heartstrings, but felt too defeated to look up. I heard him set down his crossbow on the table before he crouched in front of me. "Ya alright, girl?"

I finally glanced up and was surprised to see him looking at me with more concern than I had seen since we were teenagers. I shrugged. "If that man dies…" I trailed off. It was quiet a moment before I continued. "Daryl, that baby is never gonna know what it's like to be a kid. It's never gonna play in the creek and catch frogs like we did, or go to the zoo, or eat ice cream on the front porch. All it's gonna know is running, hiding, and death. That's not fair."

"Hey, don't you go sayin' all that shit. Damn it, Charlie, you ain't weak like that." Daryl said heatedly. "Lori's baby is gon' be fine. Ya know why? 'Cause it's gonna have a momma and daddy that care about it, and it's gonna have all these other people here lookin' after it. Which is more than most people ever had, includin' me. That kid is gonna be better than alright." He continued. "And Herschel, that son ova bitch is tough as nails. But even if he don't make it, we'll be fine 'cause we gotta be fine. So you best stop you're damn mopin' 'cause you ain't shuttin' down on me. You hear me, woman?" He asked.

He was right and I knew that. It was hard to miss that hard look in his eyes and the note of finality in his voice that made it clear I wasn't allowed to sink. It was one I recognized and knew well from years earlier. He looked at me like he knew I was tougher than I thought I was. I needed that right now. I nodded slowly. "Loud and clear." I answered with a weak smile.

"That's what I thought." He said quietly with a small nod.

As we sat there, I was suddenly struck hard by the longing I felt for him to close the space between us and pull me into his arms. He made to stand up, but hesitated and I wondered for a split second if maybe he also felt that invisible current that seemed to be charging the air between us. My eyes raked over his face, taking in the lines that hadn't been there ten years earlier and the stubble on his chin. It was hard to read his expression and not for the first time I wondered what was going through his head. He suddenly cleared his throat though and the moment passed as he stood to his feet.

"I'll go check on Herschel." He muttered before walking away.

I stared after him, feeling a little off balance. For years I had thought I'd been sure about Daryl and the place he stood in my life. Now, though, everything felt like it was out of my control. But in that moment, I would have liked nothing more than to press my lips against the man who had been my childhood best friend. It was a feeling. Good or bad, I didn't know. But in that nanosecond of a time, I could have sworn he felt it too.