Struggle #53

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While I'm doing homework Monday afternoon, my mother comes into my room carrying all the stuff she took away from me during my suspension. She sets them down on my bed without saying anything and looks at me with a warm gaze like she's contemplating what to say next. I shift under her heavy gaze and she gives me a half smile.

"You know I love you, right?" She asks out of the blue.

I furrow my eyebrows together, giving her a confused smile. "Of course I do. Why?"

She shrugs her shoulders, "I feel like our relationship has been strained lately and I don't want you to ever feel like I don't love you. We may not see eye to eye all the time but we can solve our problems regardless of the dilemma."

"Is this about the London thing?" I ask.

She nods her head, "Yeah. I feel sorry for her and I feel lucky that we don't have those problems. I hope her and her mom repair their relationship soon."

"Me too." I admit. I'm not one to hold a grudge for very long. No one should feel unloved, even mean spirited people like London. Maybe counseling is what she needs, maybe she'll turn a new leaf. Who knows, we could be friends in the future. "I love you too."

"How have you been feeling? Anymore nightmares?" She ask me.

I shake my head no. "Not since Saturday. I just need to relax."

My mother nods and looks at the paper I'm working on. "Well finish your homework so you can sit back and relax before dinner."

"Alright," I reply. She turns and leave out my room, shutting the door gently behind her.

I tap my pen against my paper, just getting lost in my own world. That nightmare on Saturday really shook me up and made me realize how hard I'm taking this. I've never had such a bad reaction someone's words until now. Jayla says I'm over reacting and I need something to make me forget about them but I have no clue what could take my mind off Prince and Prod.

I wonder how they're handling everything. So far they haven't said a word about it. Last time I checked Prod was out of the hospital because his throat healed. Prince is taking black and white pictures on Instagram with blank facial expressions and a far away look in his eye. Whether this is a new trend for him or if he's sending subtle messages, I don't know.

Renee told me that Roc notices Prince and Prod aren't as friendly towards each other like they use to be. They act all buddy-buddy for the fans but behind closed doors they barely talk to each other unless its absolutely necessary. Prince supposedly tried to talk to Prod about the situation but Prod wasn't having it. Even Walter tried to fix things but neither of the boys are opening up about what's going on. Myles tried to be a messenger between the two boys so they wouldn't have to talk about things face to face. That didn't work because both boys just keep to themselves and have nothing to say. Prince lounges around the house writing with his headphones on and Prod spends his time in the dance studio or going over new songs. Obviously there's tension engulfing all of us.

After I finish my homework, I put my stuff away in my book bag and set it near my dresser. I plug my laptop up so it can charge and plug my cable box back into my tv. It takes a few moments for everything to reboot so during that time I charge up my phone. I press the button and wait a minute for it to turn on.

After the screen flickers on, I unlock it and scroll through all my mixed texts. Most are from Renee, some from Yannie and two from Myles. I skim over some of them before a reminder pops up on my phone.

PRETTY GIRL MUSIC VIDEO PREMIERING TODAY ON 106!

I smile at the reminder, remembering when the me and the girls set our reminders the day after the video was filmed. I exit out the reminder and glance at the time. It reads 5:45. Without really thinking, I turn to BET where a re-run of The Parker's is playing. I decide to kill time by going through my twitter time line. Everyone is on a tweet spree, excited about MB's new video premiering. I know some of them are going to be in twitter jail after the video comes out. They're going to have heart attacks at everything little detail and my Direct Messages are going to blow up as soon as they see my face.

After going through my timeline and newsfeed on Instagram, 106 and Park finally comes on. As usual they show a few videos, talk about MB being today's guests and go to commercial. Nervous anticipating fills the out of my stomach as the commercials pass by slowly before going back to the show. The audience is filled with screaming girls holding posters and CDs. Some ever have cut outs of the boys faces. A while ago I would be sitting on my bed with the tv volume, my custom made MB hat on along with my shirt from their All Around the World tour. Now I sit her in my pajamas, staring at the screen with a blank expression.

"Alright lets bring my little bros out here! Come on y'all, make some noise for Mindless Behavior!" Bow Wow says, waving the boys towards the stage. The camera pans over to entrance and the boys coming running out into the stage, grazing their hands across the fans as they jog up the steps. I watch as they dap Bow and give Angela a hug. They look nice in their outfits with a coordinating color scheme of black and blue.

Prod is smiling at everyone and waving, his eyes are shielded by the sunglasses on his face and I know his beaming smile is being forced because it doesn't stretch across his face like usual. Prince is blowing kisses at girls in the front row and tinge of jealousy pinches at my gut. I sigh, wondering why I'm sitting here doing this to myself.

"So y'all are fresh off of your tour and came here to release a new video. Can you tell us what it's about?" Angela ask them.

Prince brings the mic to his mouth, being the first to speak as usual. "The song is called Pretty Girl and its basically about the beautiful ladies all over the world that has caught our attention. It's not just focusing on one girl buts it's more towards all the gorgeous girls out there."

"Yeah we want all the fans out there to know that they're beautiful and don't let anyone else tell you different." Roc speaks up. The crowd sighs and the camera pans to a girl with teary eyes, smiling up at the boys with pure admiration.

Bow Wow nods his head, "That's what's up. Y'all wanna go ahead and introduce your new joint?"

The boys turn to the camera, "What's up y'all this is Mindless Behavior and here's our new joint "Pretty Girl" enjoy!" They say in unison. Prince salutes the camera before it fades to the video.

The beat starts and the scene opens up with MB, Latimore and Twist sitting on the steps in front of the house. I laugh a little, remembering how Renee and I stood behind the camera crew making faces at them during the scene. They had to film it three times.

Prods verse starts and my heart skips a beat, seeing myself leaning up against a wall with Prodigy inches away from my face. I watch as his pinches my chin lightly and I blush a little, glancing down at the floor before tossing my hair back and looking up at him innocently.

My phone buzzes and I look to see a text from Jayla. "OMG Are you watching the new MB video? You look so pretty, I can't even deal right now!"

I laugh at her spastic state and look back at the screen where Latimore and Joya's scene is now playing. I smile at happy they look, wishing I could relive this day. This video goes on and I'm impressed at how amazing it ended up being. I spot myself again when Lil Twist's verse comes up. London and I look like your every day models sitting beside him with the other girls. I giggle again, this time remembering how nervous I was about wearing the outfit. Everything looks effortless as the backyard scene comes up. I see Yannie and Ray dancing in the middle of a crowd of people, looking like a bunch of teenagers having fun. There's Roc and Renee hitting each other with pool noodles and laughing like they have the perfect relationship.

Princes says his last lines up a chill runs through me when I see myself sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped around me. We're both laughing, occasionally looking at the camera and flashing genuine smiles. A empty hole of longing opens up inside me as I watch how happy we were at the time. Damn it, how could I screw things up so badly so quickly? I wonder how Prince feels watching this.

My phone buzzes with a text from Jayla again: "Aww, Kay Kay 😔."

I pout and close the text. The video ends with Prince throwing me in the pool then everyone else jumping in too. The screen switches back to the 106 and Park stage where everyone is applauding while the boys beam modestly.

"That party looked fun, why wasn't I invited?" Bow asks, his voice feigning hurt.

Ray laughs, "We gotchu next time bro."

"Alright, Ima hold you to that promise." Bow says. The crowd laughs before Bow gets serious again. "Alright now lets set some rumors straight guys. This is Kacey, correct?" My eyes widen as a picture of me from the video appears on the screen behind them. They nod their heads yes and Bow continues. "And this is Kacey, correct?" This time a picture of me standing outside the club in tears appears on the screen. My stomach twist into knots and I swallow hard.

"Y'all wanna explain what's going on here because, inquiring minds wanna know." Angela says, raising an eyebrow.

My fingers angrily fly across my phone keyboard, sending a text to Jayla. "What the fudge do they think they're doing? Why is everyone in my damn business?"

Prince glances at Prodigy out the corner of his eye who licks his lips before raising the mic. "We have a saying in the group. What happens on tour, stays on tour." He replies and I sigh in relief.

"Alright we can respect that," Bow says, holding his hands up in surrender. "You have anything to say that will keep the fans at ease about the situation?"

This time Prince answers, "Sometimes there needs to be a boundary between fans and artist. Just leave Kacey alone, respect her privacy and ours. That's it."

I turn the tv off, not able to handle any more. A bunch of text from the girls pour into my messages, all of them asking if I'm ok. I send them a quick "I'm fine" and a smiley face before opening a new message. I begin typing:

"I'm not going to beat around the bush and apologize again because I already did and that obviously didn't go very well. I just want to thank all of you for not exposing me on air. I know things have been stressful for all of us and I'm coping with it just like the rest of you guys. It's going to take time for things to get better but I hope you guys fix things not only for your fans, but for your brotherhood too. Don't let me tear you apart. It's not worth losing your friendship with eachother. Wishing the best for you guys.
Sincerely, Kacey

Send to: Prince, Prod, Roc, Ray, Myles.

I hit send, then delete their numbers, because they're right.

Sometimes there has to be a boundary between fans and artists.

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COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT

ok I'm for real now guys, one more chapter after this I swear lol

Does anyone else find it weird that MB is actually coming out with a video for Pretty Girl now?...#SUS

(Not proof read yet)

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