Chapter 1 Kayla’s P.O.V.
I was certifiably insane, the doctor’s would say. I have tried to commit suicide several times, the last time I tried I was caught midway through. I was almost dead; but my mother showed up in time and got the wounds to stop bleeding. As they finally stopped bleeding, she called the ambulance and had me taken to a mental institution, which got me where I am now: in an asylum.
Blond hair, blue eyes, and scars everywhere. If you would have seen me on the outside you would have thought, ‘Why does this girl have any right to be unhappy?’. To others I would seem like a stuck up brat who had always gotten my way, but that was far from my reality. I was a slave to my family. I mean I didn’t mind helping them out but they took advantage of me. They’d make me do everything, yet they’d do nothing but sit on their asses and bitch. I have yet to understand why everything I do seems to be wrong. They yell and scream about how I never do anything right.
I am so lucky to be free of them. Being in this mental institution is the only way I can be free of them and as soon as I am out of here they are dead. I can just imagine stabbing them, repeatedly dragging out their deaths ... Having them be slow and painful. I understand now why I was put into a mental hospital. It’s not only because I am suicidal. It’s because I’m homicidal.
I remember the night I tried to kill myself so clearly. I remember feeling as if everything was wrong in the world. I was so tired of people expecting me to be perfect, it was too much pressure so I grabbed a knife to find relief. Dragging it across my wrist, making perfect streaks of red. The blood rising quickly to the surface I made another cut, deeper this time. I stopped feeling the emotional pain as the physical pain took over. With every new cut my inside pain disappeared. I remembered stabbing myself right below my heart, so I could bleed out; but make my death last. And that’s when my mother walked in as I was pulling the knife out of my flesh, getting fresh blood on the floor. She ran into the hallway, calling an ambulance, and rushed back in here with gauze and tape to bandage my wounds. I remember mumbling to her to just let me die, but she wouldn’t listen; she just told me to keep my eyes open. I wanted so badly to close my eyes. I wanted to go to sleep and pretend this was a dream, yet every time I did she would smack me causing me to open my eyes again.
I was taken over by medication the first few days at the hospital. I wasn’t able to take in my surroundings, but as I was slowly gaining back consciousness I started to take them in, soaking them up. I was surrounded by bars; I felt like a caged animal at the zoo. There were several windows but they were too high for anyone to reach. They were open all day, everyday, with bars on them. As if anyone could get up there anyways to escape. Why they had bars on them, I had no idea. There was broken glass on the floor and blood on the walls. The nurses were so sterile; so surreal. They acted as if they were better than everyone else, when in reality they were not and probably never would be. They thought they weren’t crazy and they truly were. Who would want to work in a place full of “crazy” people? Not anyone normal, I’d hope.
The only male nurse in this place tries to take advantage of sex deprived and crazy girls. He even tried to rape me. He was trying to shove his penis down my throat, which was stupid for him to do, because as he got it into my mouth and I was unable to fight him off anymore, I bit down as hard as I could. I heard him scream and I knew then that I had broken the skin as I felt my mouth fill up with his blood. I just sat there smiling as he continued to scream, with my blood stained teeth. I felt his hand make contact with my face as he slapped me. Getting up from the floor, I grabbed a piece of glass and started to cut him with it over and over, getting blood on me and him, making a pool of it on the floor. I continued to cut at him till he was on the ground not moving a single inch, not even breathing. I fell to the floor just giggling to myself looking at his lifeless, pale body.
The next thing I knew, the guards are by my side and they put me in a jacket. It was strange ...
One that made me hug myself. They took out a needle and injected it into my forearm. The next thing I know everything goes black. I couldn’t see anything and it felt as if I was in a dream-like state.