Chapter 31

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Chapter 31

When we got to the house... I was paranoid, you could say.  Just coming from a mental hospital, you can bet your ass I was not taking my guard down until I felt completely secure - which at this point I was convinced was nearly impossible.  Just because they saw Clare leave the house when Luke screamed at her to get out didn't mean much to me.  She could have still came back.  I learned not to make that mistake.

Shannon was prepared too despite how sure she was that Clare was gone.  Luke, according to Shannon, was also paranoid before too.  That's why he gave Shannon his pepper spray off his belt before he went in to get me out of that shit-hole.  They came prepared was all I could say.  Even more so I noticed after we pulled to a stop in my driveway.  Shannon opened her glove box and produced a pistol to me.  And though I was shocked and confused as to why she had a gun to begin with and why she was giving it too me... it made sense.  She explained to me that Luke left it for me for protection for whatever reason - whether Clare was back, the gang was here, or anything.  He must have been worried by the fact that he wasn't with me.  Why else would he leave me a gun?  Target practice?

Either way, it allowed us to enter my house with more confidence that we could take down Clare if she was here.  But like we figured, she was nowhere.  We checked the entire house and it was obvious Clare wasn't here.  She actually stayed away like Luke demanded from her for the night.  All that did was make me question what would happen tomorrow.  What would happen now? Our plan had to have been blown after that.....

I couldn't deal with that at the moment though.  I needed to take in everything, relax as best as I could manage (which wasn't well), and just breathe.  Just breath and let the seconds pass.  I could do nothing else.  I couldn't think at all until Luke came home.  And he better come home.  No, he will come home.  I know he will.  He promised me and I saw it in his eyes how dedicated he was to getting back home to me. 

After we searched the house for Clare, I finally felt maybe a percentage of the tension in my body decrease - just a small percentage. We were standing in the livingroom, facing each other.  And when our eyes met, hers gave off quite a meaningful look.  Of sadness and... maybe even pride.   

Shannon put down the pepper spray on the coffee table but I wouldn't put down the gun, which I noticed she was uneasy about but as well as understanding.  I didn't trust anything around me.  And though I was inexperianced with a gun for the most part, he showed me some basic knowledge and how to do it.  That's all I needed to refuse to let it go.

"You know, you can relax," she said, more than once now, eyeing the gun I still held.  "And... maybe put the gun down.  I'm not going anywhere until Luke gets home.  I'll be sitting on this couch and ready for anything."

This time, I didn't protest when I saw her take a few steps closer towards me.  Looking her over, she looked a bit cautious at what she did but I didn't stop her.  She was freaked out enough I suppose.  She stood before me and looked into my eyes with a sympathetic look as I felt her fingers brush over my tense and clenched ones over the gun.  Eventually, she managed to pry it out of my hand without much of a fight from me. 

When she slowly  took the gun from my hand, I only still continued to stand there, in almost a numb state.  I just stared at her and saw she was getting a bit more uncomfortable.  Probably because she didn't know what to do for me.  Most likely because she was scared for me too.  She understood the toll today took on me.  And yes, it was only a day in that place.  When I woke up in the morning, it was the same morning Francis claimed he thought Luke was guilty for thinking about me while having sex with Clare.  It was the morning I went to school and Clare got me... everything happened today.  That alone was hard to accept because it felt like the longest time since I last was asleep... oh god, sleep... that sounds so good.

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