Spreading the Funny

Retirement

One day a man decided to retire...He booked himself on a Caribbean

cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the

ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no

other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the

beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to

the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you

come from? How did you get here?"



She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island

where I landed when my cruise ship sank."



"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have

a row boat wash up with you."



"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some

raw material I found on the island.

The oars were whittled from gum

tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides

and stern came from a Eucalyptus

tree."



"But, where did you get the tools?"



"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.. "On the south side

of the island, a very unusual stratum

of alluvial rock is exposed. 

I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted

into

ductile iron I used that to make

tools and used the tools to make the hardware."



The guy is stunned.



"Let's row over to my place," she says.

So, after a short time of rowing, she soon

docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls

off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree

house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an

expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb

struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

"It's not much, but I call it

home. Sit down, please."



"Would you like a drink?"



"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take

another drop of coconut juice."



"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a

still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the

man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they exchange their individual

survival stories, the woman announces,

"I'm going to slip into

something more comfortable. 

Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the

bathroom cabinet upstairs."



No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the

bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor

made from a piece of tortoise bone. 

Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end

inside a swivel mechanism.



"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing

nothing

but some small flowers on tiny vines, each

strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next

to her.



"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,

"We've both been out here for

many months.

You must have been lonely. There's

something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've

been longing for, right?"

She stares into his eyes.



He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows

excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Golf Course ?"