We might lose everything.
Looking at the window I watch as things pass by me in an instant. I don’t really believe in waiting for something but I did wait for Harry. But then Summer went straight into the picture like she always does and I was again pushed in a corner placing my waiting in vain. I was too young to know and understand what love meant but when I saw Harry running towards me, I know, I just know, that I must have him no matter what.
It’s funny, the way how some people think that I am the one trying to ruin Harry and Summer’s relationship, when in fact it was Summer who went inside the picture and took him away. I can still remember vividly how Harry broke up with me one Christmas day. He said it was during his usual dinner with Summer’s family that he realized how much she loved her. There’s nothing much I can do but to let him go, no one wants to hurt sweet and innocent Summer.
If anything else, all I ever did is to be there for him. Whenever he needs me I’m a phone call away. When she and Harry had a fight I was there to comfort him. Whenever he had doubts about the future because Summer wants something else I was there to listen to him talk. I was there even if it hurts me.
I sat at the farthest end of the coffee shop and waited for her to arrive. And then I saw her. She moved gracefully, her hair bouncing in sync with her floral dress. She walked towards me and sat at the empty chair opposite mine.
“Celine.” She greeted cheerfully but I feel an air of indifference as she said it.
“I will go straight to the point Summer. This is about Harry.” I can feel the tears threatening to fall down my eyes but I tried hard to suppress it.
She looked straight at me as if knowing that she knows it is really about him, “Okay.”
“You probably didn’t know this but Harry and I dated first before you.”
“Ara.” (I know.) she answered shortly.
I clenched my fist and glared at her. How can she still smile after knowing this! If she knows then why did she took him away? Why did she act all sad and lonely as if she was the victim?
“Neon, Shin Hye ssi jongmal yeppeo. He told me so, if ever he walks down the aisle he’ll make sure that the one he’ll be waiting for at the altar will be someone as pretty as you.” (You, Miss Shin Hye, are really beautiful)
I don’t know if it is possible, to feel happy and sad at the same time. I don’t quite know how I managed to smile and yet cry desperately inside.
Summer looked at me and smiled despite of the tears falling down her face. I envy the fact that she can always tell and express what she really thinks. It is during the times when she’s weak that I see her as the strongest person I’d ever known.
“I know you’ll take care of him. I know he realized how much he loves you when you started being his nurse. I’m sorry that…” she tried to reach my hand but then she stopped as if there is this glass separating us both , our fingers just a few inches apart. “I’m really sorry that I took him away from you. I was selfish. I didn’t know that someone might get hurt, I should’ve just let you two be. I…” she stammered. “I need to go, I still have to talk to Lorraine and Stephan, we’re still leaving for Seoul. Take care and please tell Harry…” she stopped talking, stood up and left whatever it is that I was about to tell Harry was left hanging in thin air.
I looked away and I felt her leave. Just then it started raining. I rushed towards Harry’s house despite the rain, willing to tell him that I’ll be there for him even if he cannot love me back. I’ll accompany here whenever he wants me to.
I am dripping wet when I reached his room. I can feel my whole body trembling partly because of the cold, and partly because of him.
He moved his head towards me and whispered, “Celine?”
I just gave a vague murmur trying so hard to steady my quivering voice.
“I’m glad you’re here.” He extended his hands and I saw a letter. “I said something stupid to Summer, it kind of involves you. I..” he smiled at me weakly and even though his eyes are covered with bandages I can still see that he is hurting.“I just don’t want to burden her.” He raised his slightly trembling hand and hands me the letter. “Can you please read this to me.”
Tears fell uncontrollably in my eyes as I reach for the letter. And then I opened the drawer beside his bed and took out the remaining letters I’ve been keeping from him.
I set aside the letter he gave me and found the very first letter she wrote.
"Dear Harry," I said my voice shaking, I cleared my throat and went on. "I waited but you never came back. You told me you’ll just be gone for two years and I waited. Remember the plant you gave me before you left? It already bloomed, turns out it is tulip after all. It’s starting to wither Harry, you told me you’ll be back before it does. Why aren’t you here yet?" I can feel hot tears falling down my eyes. Harry I waited for you too. I waited day and night and haven't really slept because I thought he might come.
"The ladder you that you used to climb up with is still in my window, in case you come home in the dead of the night and decided to visit me. Where are you Harry? Where have you gone? Why aren’t you here yet? I know you’ll be back. I know it. I have faith in you. You will come back right? You promised me." I felt my whole body shake, I think that's the part where Summer already won him. When I fist heard Harry I died all I did is to sulk and believe that he is indeed dead.
"I don’t believe what they say. You are not dead. Always,Summer"
I struggle while I open the next letter because my hands are shivering. “Dear Harry.”
“She wrote two letters?”
I feigned a smile, how long will I be this foolish?
“No Harry. He wrote you 319 letters, he wrote you every day since you were gone. I kept them all to you.”
He didn’t say anything and I continued reading the letters. All 319.
It is the least I can do, for this one sided love of mine.
