Returning to Innocence [EDITING]

Chapter Thirty Nine

The final chapter.... I feel sad :(

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"Hey Alex." I said cheerily as I walked into the room. He gave me a small smile but his face was white; I frowned. "What's up?" I asked cautiously, dreading what I would hear next. He bit his lip, as if debating whether to tell me or not. I went and sat down next to him, grabbing his hand. "Tell me."

"One of my injuries is worse than they thought." he whispered, not looking into my eyes. I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked, turning his head to face me.

"I'm not sure. I didn't properly understand, or want to understand." I frowned again. He was choosing his words carefully. "I..." he stopped. "I guess I'm just scared." He leant forward and kissed me passionately, deepening the kiss until we were lying down on his bed. I pulled away.

"I don't think we should be doing this in a hospital." I giggled and he laughed.

"Who will know?" he muttered and I rolled my eyes.

Ten minutes later, a doctor walked in. "Right, we'll be able to operate in half an hour. Are you sure you want to do this now? We may be able to find other ways to save you with more time."

"But my chances of survival go down with time." Alex murmured.

"Yes." The doctor looked uncomfortable.

Alex's grip on my hand grew tighter, and I squeezed back reassuringly. He looked into my eyes and slowly nodded.

"Yes, I'm sure." he addressed the Doctor, but was still looking at me. I could see how much it pained him to do this.

"Okay." he murmured, before turning to me. "I love you. I love you so much." he muttered, kissing me again.

"I love you too." I whispered, and ran to the waiting room. Jackie was in there, as well as Peeta and some of her friends. There was also a young woman in a man- presumably her husband's- arms. She was sobbing quietly, and she looked like similar Alex's mother. I collapsed down into one of the plastic chairs, putting in my headphones and pumping up my iPod up to full volume. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear their sobs.

"He'll be alright. He's Alex. Alex is always there. He'll never leave me. He promised." I muttered to myself, trying to reassure myself.

"Scarlett." I looked up at Jackie and smiled slightly.

"Yeah?" I whispered. She sat down next to me, her eyes red from crying.

"If Alex doesn't... make it, you can still come round anytime you want. I don't know-" I cut her off.

"What do you mean, 'if he doesn't make it'? It's just a little surgery, right?" My eyes were wide and I felt like a child, relying on everything Jackie said.

"He didn't tell you?" she gasped, more tears falling from her eyes. "The operation is dangerous. If anything goes wrong... he might die." she whispered the last bit and I stared at her.

"You mean... Alex is... no!" A sob rose up in my throat and I choked, memories flitting through my head. Alex couldn't go. He was the only constant thing in my life. I couldn't live without him.

I stared at the floor, watching my worn black trainers, my eyes tracing the faint floral pattern imprinted there. Jackie had moved away, leaving me with my thoughts.

What if he didn't make it?

What if something went wrong?

Could I live without him?