Real Life Sucks

Hello!

My sister, Danni3103, and I have read a few Harry Potter Parenting Class stories. While we appreciate the sentiment, we feel that there were… well, some issues with a lot of them. Like being handed a baby and being told “here you go, and by the way, we’re not having any more classes so have fun keeping it alive!” which is essentially what happens.

Also, being partnered up doesn’t exactly work. I don’t know about you, but in every class I’ve ever been in the girls outnumbered the guys. So what happens to the three girls in the corner who have to be single mums cos there’s not enough guys? Exactly.

So here is our attempt at a slightly more realistic version of Parenting Class.  We call it: Real Life Sucks.

Minerva McGonagall braced herself for the tide of students that would flood through the doors at any moment.

She hoped it had been a good idea to invite the older students back, even though really she’d had no choice in the matter. The Ministry had decided that since more than a few subjects had been taught by unqualified Death Eaters and the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.S hadn’t been held, they wouldn’t be counted in a student’s results.

So, many students would be returning to complete those classes. Those students who had completed most subjects satisfactorily would only have to retake Defence Against the Dark Arts and Muggle Studies. Those who hadn’t done well or, like Miss Granger, Mr Weasley and Mr Potter, hadn’t done their seventh year at all, would be completing the entire curriculum with the current Seventh Years.

And then there was the problem of the inter-House prejudice. For those first year students Sorted into Slytherin, there would be a lot of bad blood.

Minerva sighed. There were so many hurdles lining up in front of her. Best to take them one at a time. The doors opened.

—Real Life Sucks—

 “… is off limits. Our caretaker, Mr Filch, would like to remind students that there is a blanket ban on Weasley Wizard Wheezes products, as well as an assortment of other items. The list will be hanging in each common room for those who wish to peruse it. For the list of exceptions, see Mr Filch in his office. Follow the screams,” she added with a smile. She noticed a few of the first years gulping. “Quidditch will be running again this year. Madam Hooch will be running informal Quidditch sessions every Saturday morning from nine until lunch, so the Quidditch captains will have to arrange their training around that. Schedules will be handed out tomorrow at breakfast.

“I would like to introduce our new History of Magic teacher, Professor Boxwell, and our new Transfiguration teacher, and Head of Gryffindor House, Mr Weasley, who has until recently been working as a curse-breaker at Gringotts Bank. However, in light of recent… events, he has decided to remain a little closer to his family. He brings with him his wife, Fleur, who will be working as my assistant. Some of you may remember her from the Tri-Wizard Tournament a few years ago. I expect you to treat them with the respect accorded their position.

“Finally, this year the school has decided to run a new program for Seventh Years. Participation is mandatory. This project is liable to affect the entire school, so after breakfast, all students are required to report back to their common rooms so their Heads of Houses can brief them. Seventh years will remain in the Great Hall. I recommend punctuality. I would hate to have to transfigure any of you into pocket watches.” She could swear she saw Weasley suppress a snicker.

—Real Life Sucks—

Luna Lovegood sat quietly at the Ravenclaw table. To anyone watching, she was staring dreamily into the distance, paying no attention to anyone at the table and only coming back to herself long enough to put another forkful of food into her mouth. Those sitting around her were used to her spacing out. They would never guess how carefully she listened to their conversations.

“I bet it’s Animagus transformations,” Terry Boot raved to Robert Hilliard.

“Those are really hard. Besides, how would that affect the rest of the school? And why wouldn’t she just tell us?” Robert pointed out.

Terry paused for a moment. “UFOs,” he declared.

“What?” Robert asked, completely perplexed.

“Unidentified Flying Objects. Aliens.”

“What about them? You don’t seriously think that’s what our project is. McGonagall is more likely to make us study advanced charms for protection.”

Luna stopped focusing on their conversation. Neither of them had any real information. Behind her, she could hear two Gryffindors talking.

“Maybe it’s a careers talk. You know, what we should be thinking of doing. And we’ll have to do applications and things,” one said.

“It could be about the misuse of magic on younger students,” another suggested.

“Nah, if they were going to do that, they would have done it while the Weasley twins were here.”

“I hope they’re not going to talk about the birds and the bees and appropriate relationships,” another chimed in. “I had to deal with that from my parents, and I don’t need it from them too.”

“They could be bringing back the duelling club! That would be great!” A Ravenclaw sitting next to Luna exclaimed. “What do you think, Luna?”

“Hmm?” Luna pretended to come out of a trance. “I think it might have something to do with the real world. Or trauma counselling. How to help the younger years get through it, stuff like that.”

The girl paused to think about it. “Maybe. Or it could be like tutoring! You know, helping them!”

“Just shut up about it, alright?” One of the Slytherins snapped. “We find out tomorrow, so stop all your nattering!”

—Real Life Sucks—

Professor McGonagall smiled from the teacher’s table. The conversation ebbed and flowed, but it revolved mainly around the seventh year project. And they had no idea what they were in for.

Let us know what you think!  It can only help us improve.