It stings. It hurts. My heart breaks into pieces when I see him with her. Not with me...but her.
Each time he touches her...my heart dies.
Each time he hugs her...my heart cracks.
Each time he kisses her...my heart shatters.
The way he has fun, the way he risks his life for the sake of having fun, the way he plays with kids, the way he comforts people, the way talks about his fans, the way he smiles, the way he laughs, everything about him is just so inviting...and I have involuntarily fallen in love with him.
He doesn't know how much or how it affects me, and he will never learn about it. He will never know how I feel. He can't find out how I feel towards him.
It all started when we were in the studio...
I was crying my heart out.
My boyfriend cheated on me. He didn't cheat on me with any innocent or decent girl. He cheated on me with the girl he knew very well I hated to the core...or should I say I was the third party. He played with my feelings. But I fell into him. Innocently fell into him. I was dumb, no doubt on that.
He won, I lost, and I lost my feelings, whether it's love, sadness, anger - I'm numb from feeling all that.
"Shh, baby, shh. He's an asshole. A jerk. He don't deserve your tears. Stop crying. You don't look beautiful anymore. Aww, c'mon, Christmas is coming baby, Santa's only giving gifts to good people, now you're crying, you ain't bein' good," he joked and laughed a little.
I couldn't help but laugh. At that point of time, he was there for me. No one else was. Only him. I didn't feel anything towards him, until he kissed me on my forehead,
"Stop crying, love." He whispered.
I felt his love for me. I felt it. He loved me. And I know it. But I fell in love with him. He loved me as a sister, but I, on the other hand, was unconditionally in love with him. It came intuitively. But I know he won't ever love me back that way.
He's got a girlfriend anyway...
I nodded and wiped the fresh new tears that had streamed down my cheeks.
"Now flash me your stunning smile," he stared at me, and waited patiently with his own gorgeous smile.
I sniffled once and broke into a grin.
He pulled me into a tight hug and laughed. "Now this, is the sweetheart I know."
It is evident that he loves me as a sister.
And he thinks I love him as brother, but really, I don't.
When I said "What?" And I turned to huge screen showing the picture the both of us, "Oh brother... He's little! He's...no, no! He's like my little brother...I don't, I don't, that's, that's weird to me..." I didn't mean any of that. Not at all. I knew he had a crush on me, but I had never thought any further than that. "He's a sweet guy." I meant the four words, from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, it seems weird that to fall for a guy whom I address as my brother, but I really didn't mean what I said. I can't just go, "Oh, yeah, that's Justin. He's my boyfriend, and I love him." no, I can't, I won't, and I definitely don't intend on saying that in near future.