How the Hell did this happen?! Black Butler fan fic

Chapter Thirty: Undertaker...

"I can't change..." The words spin and dance in my head, over and over again...I don't even notice Sebastian bandaging my left hand from the slice of glass. I keep searching in me to find my full normal form...nothing....just...nothing...

"Alex?" I hear Ciels voice but don't respond.

"My lord I believe she is in shock." Hell yes I am! My gaze cloudy I shake my head and blink several time, just to try and think clearly. I have never thought about what it might be like to not be able to be fully normal, my eyes, nails, teeth...no one would understand, they would think something is wrong with me, I could never let them see my eyes....I slowly get up Sebastian holds my right left elbow to steady me but I smack it off with my right hand with out a second thought or glance and begin walking towards the stairs. I can actually feel both of them looking at me as I head to my room, I turn the corner and their gaze is cut off finally. I don't even bother to notice the others watching me as I walk past them in the corridor with worried faces.

I reach my room and go in and head straight for my bed but don't make it as I fall to my knees in the middle of my room. I don't do anything, I can't do anything, I just sit on my ankles, no silent tears, no shaking, no power trying to take me......nothing.....even the house seems to be quite....I close my eyes breathing in slowly...so this it what it feels like to have a breakdown? Or at least close to what it feels like...I feel someone watching me from the doorway as I hadn't shut my door, my eyes open and I see Sebastian in the reflection of the window looking at the window as I am so we see each other.

"Excuse me, but my Lord sent me to check on yo-" He gets cut short from me jumping up walking over to the door and slamming it shut in his face. Yes I did just do that....I walk back to the bed making it this time and curl into a ball on top of it. I pull my arms over my head and close my eyes, whispering.

"I don't know how much more I can take..."

~~~

"Miss Alex, it is time to wake up." My eyes open and I move my arms away from my head, I look up to see Sebastian standing next to the bed with a three lit candle holder in his right hand. It's still night....

"You know I can see with out that light right? And what time is it?" I ask as I slowly get up so I am sitting crossed legged on the bed.

"Yes I do and it is three in the morning, my master has told me to wake you up, for we are going to the Undertakers now." I look at him with dull eyes, of course it would be hard to make sure no one saw my eyes in broad daylight going to the Undertakers...normally I would be hyper seeing the Undertaker but under these circumstances i'm not...

"What ever, blow the candles out I might as well make use of my eye sight and I will be down shortly I shall just freshen up." His takes on his poker face mask as the candles go out, but we can both see easily.

"Young master guessed you would want to change" He holds out one of his spare uniforms as I prefer trousers to the dam corsets, and I can only take dress for so long. "He shall be in the main hall." I nod and get off the bed and take the uniform he bows a little and leaves shutting the door behind him leaving me in darkness. Yes I know how that sounds. I get changed and walk to the hall to see Ciel waiting for me by the door. We look like a flipping death group as we are now all dressed in black pretty much I reach him and give a half heart'ed smile.

"Shall we?" I ask and Cie nods and opens the door for me I walk out into the cool morning and breath in the fresh, crisp air, it chills my lungs but in a good way. I walk with Ciel down the steps and Sebastian opens the door for him, I get up next to Sebastian's seat they both look at me.

"I don't feel like being closed in." I say with a slightly lighter tone but still dull, Ciel just nods

"Sebastian release the order for her not to change she may need it if someone like Grell attacks her again." And he gets in.