The Adventures of James Dean.

43.

Well Radspace went from strength to freakin' amazing strength. I wasn't sure if I deserved this second chance, or whether I had earned this work/home life balance that meant I could take long weekends with the girls when we liked, but I could also jump head first into design and editing when I felt those creative juices flowing. And I had two muses at home, fulfilling me on a level I didn't know existed, before.

And Kennedy?

She had this knack for making things happen. She juggled Fiona around arranging my work schedule, doing all those tedious admin chores I hated so much, and she had her first business exam approaching. If I said I was in awe of her, it'd probably be too much of an understatement. And even though we had a kid now, she didn't rest on her laurels. I got the best of her, and I knew how lucky I was. The excitement in her eyes when she set eyes on me at the end of the day, set off the butterflies in my stomach like a blaze of fireworks. Since the engagement, she'd grown in confidence, and while Jen worked late at the office, and Fiona gurgled in her bouncing chair, she'd drag me by the belt into the bedroom and devour my cock like it was a fucking ice cream. The woman had me salivating, as her self belief grew I found myself at the mercy of her sex every night. She was making up for lost time, and I was one lucky bastard.

And in return?

I think I was a pretty good fiancé. Scratch that, I know I was. I did the whole clichéd back rub thing, but I also spent most of my time just staring at her, and telling her how beautiful she looked. Because she always looked beautiful. And I started to hate that word because it didn't quite sum up what I saw when my eyes found hers, and she gave me that little coy smile.

She totally had me.

...........

Lightning crackled across the sky as I slid my laptop into my briefcase, and it kinda mirrored the way I felt.

Uneasy. A great tide of fizzling nervousness in my belly.

I knew the results to the paternity test awaited my arrival at home.

With Jen in Aspen with some friends, leaving Kennedy and I alone with Fiona, I couldn't help but feel a twisting anxiety starting to eat me alive. I knew she was mine. There was no question about it. As time ticked on, as time always did, Fiona was so much of her mother, but she had my eyes. And my cheekbones, although she wore them a heck of a lot cuter. When photos of myself and Jen came out, Gran would point to the photos of us and it was uncanny. I mean Fi looked like her mother, but then she also had this mix of Dean genetics that was unmistakable. She was a Dean. A gorgeous little bundle of perfectly sculptured genes.

Rex didn't have a stake in this little girls life.

I was her Daddy and once that envelope was opened the sliver of doubt in the background of both our minds would be lifted. I had more than an inkling that Rex invented the whole charade just to work his way back into my woman's affections but we had a life to get on with, and this test was the only way. I wondered why, after these glorious weeks following that unexpected, unwelcome, unwarranted phone call, why was I so nervous about this? Maybe because I really loved that kid and I wanted to be her Daddy or maybe because I hadn't been able to fully commit to the wedding plans since we sent off the swabs in the post.

And Kennedy had the inate ability to kinda step back when I was like this, but she'd be there, rubbing the tension from my shoulders if I needed it, or just for a cuddle on the sofa. I'll admit it now, the woman has turned me into a cuddler. My evenings would be pretty shit now without her arms around me, and sometimes I'd have my head on her thigh, watching the tv while one of her hands gently massaged my scalp, and with Fiona feeding at the same time, nestled in her arms. She was a champion multi tasker. And she blew me away.