Part 1...Run

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From the very beginning my life has been nothing more then abuse, abandonment, and more abuse.

I have yet to know real love and I doubt I ever will. Love is a word that does not exist in this world. Especially for me.

When I was younger my parents would beat me and burn me with cigarettes just because they had no patients to deal with a baby who didn’t know how to do anything but cry and make a mess.

When I was three they finally had enough of me and dropped me off at an orphanage that had treated me in same way they did, but the orphanage was worse. They would beat me, burned me, and $extually assaulted me. That happened for many year, until I was sixteen and I ran away.

I managed to survive on my own till I was seventeen. I would sleep at the park, in condemned homes or building when it rained or it was to cold. Then when I was hungry I’d stand outside a fast food place and ask for something from the dollar menu so people wouldn’t think I would go buy beer.

Then a guy, that acted so sweet and kind to took me in. After a few months, he knew that he had gained my trust and my love. We would go out and have fun together. He had introduced me to some of his friends and they seemed to really like me.

I didn’t know his true intentions at the time. So I went along with it and happily enjoyed it for the few months it lasted.

And then it all changed. At first he would just force me to do weird things in the bedroom, but then it turned into me doing the same things to his friends and then strangers. He called me names and would beat me when I would do something he didn’t like.

At first I would beg. Beg for him to let me leave to, stop making do all the disgusting things, but He would just laugh, tell me that I was nothing more that a disgusting ugly fat wh0re that deserve much worse than what he’s done to me so far.

So I gave up. On everything. I don’t believe in love, happiness, or kindness. And I have lost all hope in finding a man that is actually kind with no intentions of getting into my pants.

Even those that vow to protect those in need. I’ve been with many police officers and firemen and they all treated me the same way…like I was trash.

When the day is done and I’m allowed to actually get up and go into my own privet place, I drown my sorrows by getting drunk and I get rid of my pain by using drugs.

But I can never get myself satisfied. And he knows that. He only gives me enough to last for a week, till I literally beg for more and then he’ll take advantage. And once he was done he’d give me what I wanted.

And five years later today was one of those days.

I laid there not moving and not saying anything. I just watched him zip up and leave the room. Once he was gone I just had to run to the bathroom and throw up. The things that he made me do turned my stomach just thinking about it.

“Oh God, why me…” I silently cried letting only a few tears slip through. There was no use for crying. Tears wouldn’t help me where now.

Once I was done I brushed my teeth and walked back into the bedroom. He was there holding the bag that held my only way to escape it all. “Put some clothes on! Looking at you in the light is making me regret what we just did.” he growled, throw the bag on the bed, and left.

I looked at the bag that was holding what I had wanted the most, what I had begged for and did whatever he wanted me to go to get it, and now I didn’t want to even look in the bag.

I walked back into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. All I saw was a peace of trash that does not deserve any kind of love. My short black was dull and lifeless and my eyes held nothing but sadness.

I just kept looking at myself deciding to end my pain another way. I looked towards the bathtub and saw the razor. I broke the top and removed the blade. This little blade was my ticket to freedom.

I knew I only had a few minutes before he would come back to I ran to the bedroom window and thanked God that it was actually opened today. I grabbed a pair of sweats and a tank. I changed and slide right through the window.

I ran for awhile, not stopping because I didn’t want to give him a chance in finding me and stopping me from what has to be done. I’ve live to long agreeing to be his slave and letting him and all those other do things to my body. Now was my chance to end it.

After running for what felt like hours, but knowing it only felt that way because my body was not use to running, I came across a lake. It was beautiful. The water was a dark blue and mirroring the reflection of the tress, surrounding me, in the water. I felt that this was the perfect place to end my miserable life.

I walked a few steps back so that the trees would hide my body, but not to far so that I may see the beautiful waters. I sat there under the tree staring at the water as I began. I brought the blade to my wrist and slowly sliced it through my skin. At first I felt the pain, but then my body started to feel numb so I continued. I dare not to look down and see the blood that was seeping down my arm, if I did I don’t think I would’ve continued.

Once I was done with the first I started with my other wrist, again going slowly. I felt that it was working. My vision was becoming blurred and I was starting to feel the cold. I let my wrist drop to the floor and smiled at the lake. It was beautiful and it was the last think I would ever see in this life.

I closed my eyes as I felt my life slipping. I was happy to be hey and have something beautiful be my last sight, that was until I heard the shouting and sires. But it was to late, I let myself slip into darkness as the noise got closer…Good bye…

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So I know I should have been working on my other story but this story has been in my mine and I really needed to write it down before I forgot it. Haha

So what do you guys think? Please comment & vote! It helps me write and continue stories.

Tell me what you think! :*)

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