I Search.

I search on my knees.

Blood pooling around my heels.

I search across these savagely beautiful lands.

Full of skulls and bones.

Full of a merciless sun.

I search.

Because I do.

I search across these unfilling lands.

Taking up bibles and crosses.

Thousands upon thousands.

And letting their ink and blood pour into the earth.

In an somewhat valiant attempt to create paradise.

My ears are plugged with lies and lou.

Trying to black out  the oceans so soft and blue...

Rhyming a thing of the past.

The only words I can utter is:

I Search.

I Search with needles in my sides.

With marks across my neck.

With bruises across my wrists and legs.

With cuts strew along like an unprofessional lullaby.

I Search.

With silent screams and crooked smiles.

With bloody knives and dastardly devils.

With heartless mirrors and a sliver of Hope.

Hope of a soul that loves and just loves.

I Search.

With tired hands from writing one too many symphonies.

With a smashed up jaw from a long night.

With a quivering lip because you don't know.

You don't know if it was real.

If they were real.

If they spoke to you.

And screamed in your ears.

I Search.

Beyond the clicks of pens against notebooks.

Beyond the monotone bittersweet facade of " How are you doing today?"

Beyond the sterotypical definations of what seperates a man from a woman.

Beyond the ears that rang from the words that were screamed.

By me and by you.

The words you will never admit.

And I am not strong enough a being to say.

And so....

I Search.

 

 

With the same story.

With the same tears.

Going from door to door trying to find hope.

If it exists anymore.

To find paradise.

But all I see is bones and flesh.

Roiting in the sun.

Their eyes tell the tales of my future.

Their empty now cavernious eyes.

They mock me.

But yet still here I am.

Crying to make a river to make this place a paradise.

And stabbing my body with Christ.

Hoping that the ink with transform me.

Pointlessly.

I wonder to and fro.

Screaming at the cruel sun.

And stroking the sides of craniums.

I don't give in.

Not till tomarrow.

Not till yesterday.

And so.

I Search.