Aisling's Diary

Chapter 17

Wednesday 23 November 

3:55p.m. 

Just ducked out of Irish Hell Dance for some water. I swear KK was in control of basic training for soldiers in a previous life. She KILLED us today in class. Poor Anya had to do her part in the three-part reel EIGHT times to get it right. She is so perfect at the dancing but it’s all so staid. I wonder if I look like that? Somehow I don’t think so – I think I move with the rhythm more. But probably not, maybe everyone feels like that. Anyway I was sweating so much, KK pursed her lips at me and said, ‘Well, maybe if you were here more often you wouldn’t find it so challenging’. THAT IS SO UNFAIR, I only missed one class and that’s because KK locked me out herself. How on earth can that be my fault! I gave her my Aisling Hard Stare – I am getting so fed up of her. 

3:59p.m. 

No sign of Murphy, I thought he might be waiting outside for me to see if I was going to the flashmob – but he wasn’t – I feel like I haven’t seen him for like a hundred years. 

4:01 p.m. 

Just run into the Wicked Witches (East and West) themselves. They were probably trying to find some newts and bats for their latest spells. There I was in all my Irish Dance kit feeling like such a fool, and Sorcha was just laughing at me. Then Eavanne started teasing me for not being Irish enough, or for trying to be too Irish or something. Then she said ‘to leave Murphy alone’, that I wouldn’t be ‘his type’, that he would NEVER see anything in ‘somebody like me’. It was horrible. I felt sick in my stomach. I wanted to push her away and never see her again. I really tried to ignore what she said, but it sounded true, as if she knew something. I stopped myself from shouting ‘How do you know? What has he said to you?’ because even if she told me I wouldn’t be able to bear hearing it. I know she’s right, it’s not as if anything’s even happened between us. I mean at least she got to snog him, even if it was about a thousand years ago, but at least she’s got that. 

Then as I was walking away feeling so furious I ran into Murphy and everything felt like it was all right again. He asked me if I was going to the flashmob with him. He looked so cute, like he was worried I might say ‘no’. Like I was gonna turn him down and go back in to Irish Hell Dancing. 

5:00p.m. 

OK, this might not be the wisest decision I’ve ever made in my life but I have just agreed to go with Murphy to the flashmob. If I just can’t get to grips with Irish Dance,why should I keep putting myself through it? At least at the flashmob no one is going to be shouting at me to keep my arms down and telling me I’ll never win any competitions. 

As soon as I was close to him on the back of the bike, the wind whipping my hair in my eyes, the green countryside zipping by, I could feel myself getting happier and happier – like I used to all the time back in Boston. It didn’t matter that I was Irish or American or too old for Irish Dance or not old enough to go out with someone who had a motorbike. I was me again, just for a minute,and it felt great. 

6:45p.m. 

Just got back. We danced on the sand, in the water, the spray getting everywhere, flying round us as we put our moves out there. There was no right move, just everyone dancing as they wanted to, dancing to the music – when the wind carried it! We danced to everything, the tune of our talking, of the sea and to JP’s boom box, of course. There I was with loads of people knowing hardly anyone, on a beach I’d never been to before, in a country that isn’t really mine, everyone sharing the sun going down. I danced next to Murphy and I realized I didn’t care about what my Mum might say, or about Dad and Uncle Conor, I didn’t care about missing Amelia and the Charlestown High girls. I didn’t care about Parties-to-Go and I didn’t even care if Murphy liked me or not. All I cared about was the dancing and being part of everyone dancing there at that moment. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Is that what it feels like to fit in, to know who you are, to be grown up? 

6:53p.m. 

Aisling Fitzsimons, will you come back to earth please. Just got two texts from Ali asking me where I was, what I was doing and why I’d skipped class again. I couldn’t reply – I don’t know why I did it so how can I explain to him something I don’t even understand myself? 

6:56p.m. 

That night loads of films of us dancing at the beach were on YouTube. Murphy and I are in the background of some of them and one of Murphy’s signature moves is on there. I was on the computer in the living room and Mum and Dad kept asking me what I was looking at. I wanted to shout out to Mum and Dad ‘Look at me, look at me doing what I want to do’ and show them the videos on YouTube, but I couldn’t. They wouldn’t understand, to them I’m still a little girl who gets excited about ice cream and coming second in some regional Irish Dancing competition. They wouldn’t understand what’s happening to me, because I don’t, really. I feel very sad, like I’m a long way from home. 

Saturday 26 November 

I found some sand from the beach in my jacket. I could remember what it was like just for a second. Then Rory came flying in on his rollerblades and nicked my iPod recharger shouting, ‘what are you looking at sand for, you freak?’ Some things are reassuringly the same, it seems. 

...........

Click the Thumbnail Below or Click Info on Mobile to Watch the Webisode.