Courage Under Duress (SYTYCW)

Chapter 31

The following day had pretty much been a repeat of the day before.  My aim had gotten better and I was even able to attempt shooting single-handed.  Thomas had been supportive throughout our sessions.

After dinner, Thomas had left Marie and me alone, announcing that he had a few calls to make.  I knew that he would be checking in with the authorities, seeing if there had been any sightings of my ex-husband anywhere.  He may have kept his calls away from me but despite my losing faith in the men in blue, I knew that Thomas still had his.

"You seem deep in thought, dear."  Marie snapped me out of my daze.

"You were right, you know," I told her as she washed the dishes and I dried.

"About what, honey?"

"What you walked in on in the kitchen yesterday," I began.  "He told me he loves me."  I wasn't quite sure as to what possessed me to say anything but I felt like I could trust the woman.

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked.

"I'm terrified to be honest, but then again, I feel the same way.  How can that be?  I mean, we've known each other for five years but he's been gone through most of those, we haven't done anything but kiss a few times since he's taken me to the ranch, then there's the fact that I was married up until only days ago."

"Do you love Dominic?" she asked and the question surprised me.

"I haven't loved that man for the last three years," I divulged.  "I tried to make it work and get him to get himself some help but all it did was infuriate him further."

"I see.  Can I give you a word of advice?"

"Sure."

"Tell him.  Don't wait."  All I could do was nod in understanding.  "In the short time I've seen you two together I can see why you're good for one another."

"You can?"

She nodded.  "I've never seen him smile so much.  His work has turned him into a tough and serious man, Erica and he shouldn't be like that at twenty-five.  It's been nearly four years since I've been able to banter playfully with my son.  I thank you for that," she said and patted my hand with hers.  "I wouldn't mind seeing a grandchild or two running around here either.  That's if you guys stick together."

I couldn't provide the woman with a response.  My womb ached with the want but my heart broke even more because I most likely couldn't.  I couldn't tell her.  Not before I told Thomas.

What if he wants kids?  Would he be capable of dealing with the reality that biological children might not be in his future?  My mood was darkened but I chose to hide it.  I had become a professional at doing just that over the years.  Thomas had been the only one to see through my façade which was a little disconcerting at times but more of a relief that someone could know me that well.

I headed up to the bedroom early, giving the excuse of a headache.  I was exhausted after a long day of being pushed to my limits; both physically and emotionally.  My earlier conversation with Marie weighed heavily on me.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, my purse beside me, I pulled out that small piece of photo paper that I had chosen to carry around with me since I had left Dominic.  I stared at it, allowing the tears to come.

I cried for the life lost, the lives I no longer had a chance of bearing and the likelihood that Thomas would desert me when he found out about my baron state.

I hadn't heard the latch to the door in the midst of my sobbing.  A large hand touched my shoulder and all I could do was turn and cower away from him.