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mY bRAiN iS eXPeRIENcINg tEChNiCAl diFFiCulTies pLEasE StAnd By

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1o1 funny sayings!!!

1: Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2: Borrow money from a pessimist-they don't expect it back.

3: time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

4:Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

5:I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

6:Never answer an anonymous letter.

7:It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

8:I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

9:Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

10: Few women admit their age; few men act it.

11:If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

12: No one is listening until you make a mistake.

13:Give me abiguity or give me something else.

14:We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?

15: He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16: Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

17: Always rember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

18:Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

19: There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

20: Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

21: Nuke the whales.

22: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

23: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

24: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

25: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

26: As long as there are test, there will be prayer in public schools.

27: Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

28: Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

29: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

30: You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

31:I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

32: Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

33:We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

34: 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

35: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

36: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

37: I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

38: Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

39:My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.

40: Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool

41:On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42: I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.

43: God made mankind. Sin made him evil.

44:I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

45:I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

46:Don't steal. The government hates competition.

47: Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

48:National Atheist's day: April 1st.

49: All generalizations are false.

50:The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

51:Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

52: If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

53:For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

54: IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

55:I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

56: I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

57:I can handle pain until it hurts.

58:No matter where you go, you're there.

59:If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

60:It's been Monday all week.

61: Gravity always gets me down.

62:This statement is false.

63:Eschew obfuscation.

64: They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.

65: It's bad luck to be superstitious.

66:According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

67: The word “gullible” isn't in the dictionary.

68: Honk if you like peace and quiet.

69:The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It happened.

70:Atheism is a non-phophet organization.

71: Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

72:Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

73:A day without sunshine is like night.

74:The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

75:Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

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