It's 50/50 Lessons of Depression

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The depression from life lessons keeps me guessing, thinking is this the day.
However, I pray as I lay and hope to slip away in a deep sleep and reap the peace.
That’s promised in what we call eternal sleep. 
 Is that a possibility or the philosophy which has me?
Searching for the truth of the root of my issues

 Tears saturated the tissues kept by the bullets next to the pistol.
 It’s like god is a referee, and I’m waiting for that final whistle.
If only life was clear like crystal, but it’s typical to deal with people that are hypercritical.
Who never tell lies because everything is just hypothetical?
Is that ritual of being habitual or just another way of being cynical?
Alternatively, is this the pinnacle of a mentally unsound individual?
That lacks the visual that turn every second in your life critical.
How can you give your all when you’re just getting the minimum?
I can't stop the nightmares, just last week I had ten of them.
All the Painful thoughts I wish I could get rid of some.
My sins are like choices only I have to live with them.
Trying to find the balance in this hate and love equilibrium.
My hopes and dreams, let's say a long time I had to bury them.
Burdens sometimes in life we have to carry them.
Death is easy but living life another day is scarier.
All you can do is keep praying and hope to make it through life’s barriers.
Keep the lord on your mind because the devils always daring you.
Positivity and success will have jealous people hating you.  
Watch your back at all times because evil is constantly observing you.

The choice to live or die is not always up to you.

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