To Save My Daughter

Part 15: You Don't Know Me

“I know what you’re thinking.” Xander said.

“Really? What?” I replied.

“You’re wondering in all my years how many women I have been with, or how many people I have killed.”

“That goes to show you, you know nothing about me. Those two thoughts had not crossed my mind.”

“Really, never crossed your mind?” He said with a smirk.

I couldn’t believe this ass. Of course they have, but not right at this moment. “Well, I hate to break it to you sweetheart, you don’t know me and you clearly don’t know what I want.”

“I think  I know you better than you think I do.”

“Ok, prove it!” I challenged him.

“Fine I will. Your favorite color is pink.” He said.

“Oh, wow…. Big revelation. How did you know that?” I asked.

“Your closet at home is full of pink clothes. You seem to always wear something in pink. Your bedroom and bathroom are pink. Even here with a closet full of clothes, you chose pink” He explained.

“So your observant. Big deal. I would assume by your wardrobe your favorite color is black.” I threw back at him.

“I know that for your size you can through a great punch, and have more spunk than any human I have encountered.”

“Great, I’m a spunky midget.”

“I also know you are full of passion. Passion for life and for your daughter. You’d kill for her. I had never come across someone with that much passion and fearlessness to attack someone or something they know nothing about. The moment you sensed she was in danger, you had no fear. The love you have Grace is something that I had never experience. Even at the rest stop, you didn’t care about your safety. You did everything you could to get Grace away from me. Granted you paid the price for that, and I hope you can forgive me…. There are times I do things that I don’t have to do. My regrets are few, and truly that is something I regret.”

Was this an apology? Did he really have a heart? How can I forgive him? Lord help me. This all too much for me.

“I also know you are torn about me. I can sense you want to stay in my arms, so why do you keep fighting it?”

“How can I not fight it. You took me from my life. You can’t expect me to fall in your arms and kiss your feet. You made me leave everything I know. The home I worked so hard for was left open. Anyone could come in and take everything I have. My job is more than likely gone. I’m sure my ex-husband is flipping shit, because he can’t get ahold of Grace. He’s probably filed kidnapping charges against me. So when you ask the question, why am I fighting you. My question for you, is how can I not?”

Xander sat there, stroking my hair, looking straight ahead.

So I continued. “Furthermore, you attack me. True I tried to get Grace to safety. But that is what a mother should do. Make sure her child is safe. You should have known from the first night, that I would do anything and everything in my power to protect her. I made my first mistake not running before you came to collect us. I thought…. I don’t know what I thought… That this wasn’t real….. Argh, you taking me is one thing, but taking her to hold over my head is unforgiveable.”

“So you would prefer I send her back to her fathers.”

“Yes…. NO!…. Fuck I don’t know. Why don’t you just send us both back.” I raged and jump up from his lap.

“Is that what you truly want. To have me send Grace home.”

“NO… what I truly want is for you to send both of us home.”

“I can’t do that.” He said calmly.

“Why the Fuck not. If you hold all the power, than you can choose to set us free.”

“I can’t do that.” He repeated.

“Why not… Why won’t you tell me?”

Jumping up from the chair, he towered over me. “Just like you are with Grace, I will do everything in my power to keep you. If I was too lose you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

I stepped back, afraid at that moment what he would do to me.

“Ava, you have become my life. The reason why I exist. Without you, there is no need for me to roam this earth anymore.”

I stood there, just staring at him. Finally, my anger and courage bubbled over. “So now you’re going to lay that guilt trip on me. That if I found a way to leave you that your life would be over.”

Building up courage I started walking towards him, backing him up against the wall. “So I am the one that has to sacrifice everything here.” I spat at him.

 “All you have done is take from me? My home, my job, my life. How can I ever trust you? I should hate you? I should want you dead. But I’m being pulled towards you. I hate myself for that. Now you want to guilt trip me in to being with you. You hold my own daughter over my head, to make me stay inline. You want me to choose a vampire over my own daughter. What the hell. You give me no real choice here. Either way I’m screwed.”

Xander took me by my arms, pinning them on either side of me, and pulled me close to him. He rested his chin on my head.

I fought back the tears. Not wanting to give into them.

“I should have found a better way to make you mine.” Xander whispered.

“You think?” I spat back.

“This is not how I pictured this. I thought once I got you away from your life, you’d see that we were meant to be together forever.”

“If you wanted me to be your mate, you should have given me the freedom to choose. By taking me, it shows how selfish you are. You thought of what you wanted, not what I needed. That is not what love is.”

“Ava, I’m so sorry.”

Looking up at him, I said. “You should be.”

At that moment when I looked into his eyes, I could see the agony the man inside felt. This anguish could be felt throughout his body and ran deeper than I thought it could. Even thought he was to blame for everything that was going on right now, I hated to know he was hurting. This caused my heart to ache for him, and for me. Only if circumstances were different, we wouldn’t be here at this moment.

That is when I realized it wasn’t the fact that he was a vampire, a killer, a predator. What I hated was the fact that he took my choice away, and if he could do that, what else could he take away, if I didn’t give into him.

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