I remember when I sat in my room, while my parents fought in the living room. My mother was in tears and my father just kept raising his voice. I remember Carson's comforting hug and Nathan's comforting words. They kept saying that it would be okay but it never did turn out to be okay. The last thing I remember of that day was the front door slamming and my father never coming back but that was six years ago and I don't care anymore.
My mom is a wreck still and doesn't really care for me anymore. To her, all I am is a waste of space and air. And to me, all she is, is a selfish bitch who can't support herself without a man. Ever since my father left, there have been so many male strangers in my house that I lost count several years ago.
What really sucks is that I have nobody. Nobody to go to for advice. Nobody to keep me warm. Nobody to love me. It's pretty pathetic. I keep on wishing that maybe, maybe one day that I'll find that person but I know I am just leading myself on. It will never happen because I was never that lucky.
I guard my heart ever since Carson, my brother died and my other brother, Nathan left. It's just so hard to let anyone in anymore. I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of telling everyone what I have been through. Just scared overall.
Carson was my lifeline. The one person I could truly depend on, no matter what. He made me smile, laugh, and enjoy life because I always knew I would have him. But on November 18, 2009, Carson made a stupid choice and it took away his life.
You couldn't possibly know how much I miss him. It breaks my heart little by little just thinking about it. And then the worst part was Nathan left too. He walked out on my mother and I after Carson died. He couldn't handle it. Carson was his lifeline too.
I haven't talked to Nathan in two years. Not once, did I get a postcard, letter, package, text or phone call. Nathan went M.I.A. I did care but now I don't. I don't care about anything anymore.
I don't care that my mother barely knows I exist.
I don't care that my only other brother can't even check up on me.
I don't care that my father left six years ago.
I don't care anymore.
What I am about to tell you is my life.
MY true story.
