Never

You said it all

With what you said

Though every message

Gets re-read

It's made me so tired now

I want to go to bed

If I could feel alive inside

I wouldn't be so dead

Every time I talk to you

I feel an aching soul and an aching head

I should give it up

I should just move on

I shouldn't listen to you

That's how I do wrong

You know I want you back

Though I don't know why

I'm so sick of games

Too tired to cry

Every empty invitation

Every meaningless contemplation

Every seemingly long conversation

Is a new end to me

You say I'm gonna come your way

I have so much I want to say

It feels like years since I've seen you

Though it's just been days

I gain some hope, I go astray

I lie awake and pray to be saved

From all this does and all this takes

Every time we talk, my heart breaks

I shouldn't text

I shouldn't call

I shouldn't answer

You at all

But I'm afraid

I'm ashamed

I've realized mistakes

And I feel like

None of the past matters so much

As how I still feel

My brain says to let you go

But my heart is screaming for that rush

That I still get

When we touch

And that that's all that's real

I can forgive you for the other guy

I can almost let go of what I took for lies

I think I could still get lost

In your eyes

But I know I can't do any of that

So goodbye

Because you made it plain

And you made it clear

Any ounce of love you had disappeared

I think maybe you want to keep me around

So you know someone wants you 

Though he's a puppet; you love it,

But can't let go to let your guard down

If there really existed some little chance

I'd give in and forget all circumstance

I'd once again let you be my everything

I could still ask you to marry me

But that's gone

It's all wrong

You've moved on

And you're not wasting away

Like I am

You're waiting for

Any other man

I want no one else

Yet I can't have you

Your voice hurts as much as your view

I stalk your wall

You stalk mine, too

Every picture is some kind of memory

An image painted in misery

I used to believe maybe

There was a meant to be

And now all I have is a useless heart

Empty and broken, torn all apart

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to

Mourn what we are

And look back

So far back

To what we were and what 

We should have been

You were all it took to lure me in

I really did love you

The way I said, the way I meant

But so much inched its way in

Until we're nothing more

Than strangers with secret intent

But for forever and a day

I probably won't let go

I know never

Is too long not to be together

And it's painful more than you know

Because I'm the one that 

Knew never before

As in I never meant

To let you walk out the door

And I never said never

When you asked me back

I just didn't answer

And wanted time to face some facts

Now never means to not have you

But to spend each day and night

Wanting to

And thinking about how I have to hold on

Because I can't make myself try

To do more because it would feel so wrong

So never as you will

Is how I feel

At least one of us does

So maybe time won't heal

I never want to really say goodbye

But you'll never think of me like 

I think of you

And I know why

You never let yourself really think

That I could ever be your anything

Not since you decided you'd never do

Anymore to make me want you

So never say you need me again

You'll never want my heart, my hand, or me as your friend

Just know that never

Means more to me

It means never be happy, never free

So I'll never really set you free

Never... free