CHAPTER FIVE: TOUCHDOWN
Sometimes I wondered what God was thinking when He made me. I often wondered if I even had a plan at all or if I was just here to take up space and be a burden to everyone I met. I pretty much spent my entire life wishing that I was anyone but myself. I mean... what was He thinking? My life honestly seemed like an extremely cruel joke. I honestly couldn't help but question God's motives on putting me on this planet. Whenever I do get those thoughts... though it happened quite often I just tried to remember that somewhere, someday someone was going to come into my life and make me really happy. There had to be a place somewhere in this world for me and one day I promised myself that I would find it.
I was convinced that God had this place set out for all of us, a place where we are indescribably happy. I didn't know how long it would be until I finally came in contact with mine, but I was convinced it was stored away somewhere for me. There was some place down in the crazy winding road of my life that was strictly for me. I didn't know how many years it was going to be until I was able to reach it, but I knew that it had to be there...somewhere. Even if it was when I was old and gray or when I was lying on my death bed, somewhere I would find peace. I wanted to move away to be honest. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone. I just wanted to start over. The memories would still sting though. Such as, sitting at a fence and two boys coming up.
“Hi, Angela.” They said.
“Hi, Sam.” The other said.
“Don't say hi to her!” His friends snapped. I just sat there not saying a word.
“Sorry!” He apologized to his friends as if he had committed some horribly wicked sin.
“Bye!” They said to each individual girl except me. It stung. I sat there in silence as they stared me directly in my eyes trying to emphasize that they were ignoring me. They all stared through me as if I was invisible or something. I could never really fully come to terms that I was the outcast though. I refused to accept it. It hurt too much to accept. In my mind, I liked to pretend that I had some people would actually loved me in my life, but the thing about dreaming and pretending is eventually you have to wake up. When you do finally get out of your beautiful fantasy world and into the cold harsh reality the pain of your situation seems to multiply.
I kind of wondered if there even was such a thing as “happy endings” for looser like myself. I mean... could I possibly be Anyone's princess? I just didn't really think I was deserving of love, or fairytale, or happy every afters like most people got. A lot of times it's the typical guy-meets-girl scenario where they fall in love, get married, have kids, and grow old together. Quite frankly... I never saw myself in that position. I mean who could love me anyway-
A shout snapped me back into attention.
“Hey, you!” A man screamed, pointing his bony finger at me.
“Me?” I asked, pointing at myself. The man nodded firmly.
“Get over here!” He demanded. I quickly shuffled over to the man.
“You're next.” He said gruffly.
“Oh... thanks.” I said quietly.
“What's your name, sweetie?” The girl behind the desk asked.
“Sam.” I replied, shyly. She smiled a really big warm smile at me.
“Okay, Sam, where are you from?” The lady asked softly.
“L.A.” I replied avoiding eye contact.
“Well, good luck.” She said cheerfully. I forced a smile. She grabbed my arm before I went.
