Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup? Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa. Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product. Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy? Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning. Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart. Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out. Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said. Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case. Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to. Homer: Bart, go to your room.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! hits tree

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Marge: HOMER! Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven? Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation. Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun. Bart: Right, the leprechaun. Ralph: He told me to burn things.

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P Nelson: Bart is pee! Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Ralph (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies...

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.' Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute. Bart: You com'ere a minute." Homer: Oh yeah?

Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch? Bart: No thanks dad. Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong. Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you! Homer: Go home.

Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding ...

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps. Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Bart: Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

Grandpa Simpson: The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged