The Art of Faking Straight

Chapter Ten

         Love is foolish, and yet, I always find myself wanting some part in it anyway. It seems people are in love with the idea of being in love, but no one actually wants to put the effort into it. When things get tough, they back away. When things are perfect, they tell others how wonderful the feeling is. But love, well love is being with someone no matter what happens. I just want a little piece of that, but that's something you don't usually find in high school, and especially not when you're not willing to risk it all, or even risk it a little.

         Basically, I'm a chicken-shit.

         Yet, you can't just sit there and take no part in it. No, you feel like you have to give in, to experiment, to feel the silly thing that people call love. You see your friends in it, the song lyrics to all the catchy songs make it seem easy, it's in the books, it's in the media, and it's in all the films. In the romance stories and films it always starts out with the lead character talking about how they'll never be in love, but by the final credits, they've became brain dead like the rest of the population. You may say you don't want to have a similar story, experience the wonderful thing just once, but you'd be lying. I'd be lying.

         Everyone wants to know someone cares, and even I'm not any different. I'm just not sure how to get there just yet. It's as if everyone else has received a special ticket to this fantastic amusement park, and they come home every afternoon to rub it in my face, but when I ask where my ticket is, they laugh and tell me it's never coming but that they'll send me pictures.

         Sure the pictures make it seem great, but I wouldn't know, I'm just looking at it from the outskirts. Then one day someone offers to take me there, I don't ask any questions about why, how, or if I'll like it I just agree. I eagerly go to the amusement park, only to realize that it's not an amusement park at all, it's a circus. It's crazy, exhilarating at times, weird at others, scary in some parts, but all in all, it's an experience I'm glad I had the chance to enjoy.

         Now if only someone would just hurry up and give me my ticket.

         "You're acting as if you just got dumped," Jack says as he tosses me a football. It's Tuesday, and according to him, I'm moping around just as much as I did Monday. Terrific.

         I went all weekend without answering any of Connor's calls. He called so much I eventually just turned off my phone, he was acting as if we mattered to one another. We're not a couple, but he sure acted like we were.

         "I'm not," I say simply. I can't put much effort into arguing with Jack about this anymore, he won't give in. He won't let me win. He never does.

         "Quit whining around," he says as I throw the ball hard at him. Maybe it'll break his perfect fucking face.

         "I said I'm not," I protest, but again, it's halfhearted. I can't be bothered to full out argue with Jack, he's been pissing me off lately anyway All weekend he called to tell me about how amazing Callie was at this, and what they did here, and a whole bunch of other bullshit.

         What he doesn't realize is that I'm not even rooting for them.

         Usually I'd cheer him on for having stayed with a girl for over two days, but not this specific girl, no. He could ditch her any day and I would be happy. At least then Callie would be a sore spot, and Connor and Jack wouldn't have to hate one another so much. If Connor and Cade didn't feel the need to protect their little sister - who honestly didn't seem to care for their protection - then I think Jack and Connor could be good friends.

         They're both careless enough.

         He easily catches the ball, but he just holds it in his hands as he walks over to me.