*** Basketball ***

"This [basketball] is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn't have spectators." Dick Vertleib.

"To win, you've got to put the ball in the macramé." Terry McGuire.

"These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it." Charles Barkley.

"I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet." Tom Tolbert.

"There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket." Abe Lemons.

"I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either." Dave Barry.

"Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they're afraid they might get hit by a pass." George Raveling.

"Basketball is like photography, if you don't focus, all you have is the negative." Dan Frisby.

"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." Wilt Chamberlain.

"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious." Charles Shackleford.

"Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up." Bill Vaughn.

"The rule was "No autopsy, no foul."" Stewart Granger, on the pickup games of his childhood.

"What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?" Woody Allen.

"Basketball is the MTV of sports." Sara Levinson.

"I hate it. It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air." Norm Sloan, on zone defense.

"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors." Weldon Drew.

"The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief."" James Naismith.

"If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love was on channel 4, I'd watch the frogs even if they were coming in fuzzy." Bobby Knight.

"I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes." Tommy Tune, on why he never considered playing basketball.

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok." Shaquille O'Neal.

"A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating." Nik Posa.

"When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do." Darryl Dawkins.

"The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy." Jerry Tarkanian.

"We're shooting 100 percent - 60 percent from the field and 40 percent from the free-throw line." Norm Stewart.

"If you are going to take it to the bank, then you better cash it in." Shannon Fish.

"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best." Tim Duncan.

"If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball." Phil Jackson.

"Sometimes a player's greatest challenge is coming to grips with his role on the team." Scottie Pippen.

"When I was young, I never wanted to leave the court until I got things exactly correct. My dream was to become a pro." Larry Bird.

"Nothing there but basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo." Ogden Nash.

*** Baseball ***

"Hating the New York Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax." Mike Royko.

"Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything." Toby Harrah.

"Well, boys, it's a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square." Joe Schultz.

"The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game." Chuck Tanner.

"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona." George F. Will.

"Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminium siding on the Sistine Chapel." Roger Simon.

"I have discovered in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats." Bill Veeck.

"Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack." Adam Morrow.

" What are we at the park for except to win? I'd trip my mother. I'd help her up, brush her off, tell her I'm sorry. But