** Film & Movie Quotes ***

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " Charlie Brown.

"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev." Robin Williams.

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." Jim Carrey.

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." Alfred Hitchcock.

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." Peter O'Toole.

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live." Bob Hope.

"I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe." Bob Hope

"He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist." Steven Spielberg (on Star Wars Director George Lucas)

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." David Letterman.

"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country." Clint Eastwood.

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth--even if it costs him his job." Samuel Goldwyn.

"Who the [heck] wants to hear actors talk?" H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness you send out for it." Rex Reed.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." Gary Cooper (on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind.").

"Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award." Billy Wilder.

"How did I get to Hollywood? By train." John Ford.

"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One." Yakov Smirnoff.

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom." Bob Hope.

"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town." Steve Martin (at the 2001 Oscars)

"All I need to make comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl." Charlie Chaplin.

"A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it." Alfred Hitchcock

"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract." Groucho Marx

"Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4 o'clock in the morning." Joel Segal.

"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit." Mel Brooks.

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory." Joan Rivers.

"Julie Andrews has lilacs instead of pubic hairs." Christopher Plummer.

"What I have crossed out I didn't like. What I haven't crossed out I'm dissatisfied with." Cecil B. DeMille

"If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives." Marlon Brando

"After The Wizard Of Oz I was typecast as a lion, and there aren't all that many parts for lions." Bert Lahr.

*** Television Quotes ***

"On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window." Dan Spencer

"My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too." Peter De Vries

"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work." Gallagher

"Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy." Richard Nixon

"Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it." Alfred Hitchcock

"[The television is] an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home." David Frost

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." Groucho Marx

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners." Johnny Carson

"Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know." Marvin Minsky

"It is difficult to produce