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Zayn's hand immediately moves to my cheek making the skin on the back of my neck raise and he pulls my arm to bring me to him. I hit my knee on the steering wheel as I climb across and mentally curse at myself for nearly ruining the moment, but he doesn't seem to notice as he wraps his arms around my back, bringing me flush to his chest. Our mouths move in sync and my arms latch around his neck.

His mouth is foreign to me, it's not like Harry's. .his tongue doesn't move the same, it doesn't trace mine and he doesn't trap my bottom lip between his teeth the way Harry does.

Stop it Tessa. You need this, you need to stop thinking about Harry. He is surely in bed with some random girl, Molly even. Oh god, if he's with Molly..

"You could have been happy all the time, not just sometimes." Zayn just said.

I know he is right, I would have been much better off if he would have won. I deserve this, I deserve to be happy. I have suffered enough and dealt with enough of Harry's bullshit and he hasn't even tried to talk to me about it. Only a weak person would run back to someone who has trampled on them repeatedly. I can't be that weak, I have to be strong and move on. Or try at least.

 

I feel better right now, in this moment than I have in the last nine days. Nine days doesn't sound like a long time until you spend it counting every single second of misery waiting for something that didn't  come. With Zayn's arms around me I can finally breathe, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Zayn has always been so kind to me and he's always been there. I wish he would have won, I wish he would have been the one I fell for instead of Harry, none of this would be happening.

"God Tessa.." Zayn moans and I tug at his hair.

I kiss him harder.

"Wait.." He says into my mouth and I pull away slowly.

"What is this?" He looks into my eyes.

"I..I don't know?" My voice is shaky and I am out of breath.

"Me either.."

"I'm sorry.. I'm just emotional and I have been going through a lot and what you said to me just now made me.. I don't know, I shouldn't have done that." I look away from him and climb off of his lap back to the driver's seat.

"It's nothing to be sorry for.. I just don't want to get the wrong idea you know? I just want to know what this means to you." He tells me.

What does this mean to me?

"I don't think I can answer that, not yet. I.."

"Thought so." His voice slightly angry.

"I just don't know.."

"It's fine, I get it. You still love him."

"It's only been nine days Zayn, I can't help it."

I keep managing to make an even bigger mess than the last.

"I know, I'm not saying that you can or will stop loving him I just don't want to be your rebound. I just started dating someone, I haven't dated anyone since I met you and I finally met Rebecca then when I saw the way you reacted to me dating someone I started thinking.. I know I'm an idiot but I started thinking you didn't want me to move on or something."

"You aren't my rebound.. I wanted to kiss you just now, I just don't know what I'm thinking or doing. Nothing has made sense to me for the last nine days and I finally stopped thinking about him when I kissed you and it felt amazing, I felt like I could do this. I could get over him but I know that it's not fair for me to use you that way. I'm just confused and irrational, I'm sorry for making you cheat on your girlfriend, that wasn't my intention I just.."

"I don't expect you to move on already, I know how deep his claws are into you."

He has no idea.

"Just tell me one thing." Zayn says and I nod.

"Tell me that you will at least try to allow yourself to be happy. He hasn't even called you, not once. He has done so much shit to you and he hasn't even tried to fight for you. If that were me, I would be fighting for you. I would have never let you go in the first place. I don't need an answer right now, I just need to know that you are ready to try to be happy. I know you aren't ready for any type of relationship with me but maybe someday you will be."

My  mind is racing, my heart is racing and aching all at once and the air has been sucked out of the car.

I want to tell him that I can try and I will try to allow myself this but the words won't come. That small smile that Harry has on his face in the mornings when I finally get him to wake up after he complains about my alarm clock, the way his raspy morning voice says my name, the way he tries to force me to stay in bed with him and I end up squealing and running from the room, the way he likes his coffee black just like me, the way I love him more than anything in the entire world and I wish he could be different. I wish he could be exactly the same only different, it doesn't make sense to me and I know it won't make sense to anyone else but that's the way it is.

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Cast

Indiana Evansas Tessa Young
Harry Stylesas Harry Styles
Louis Tomlinsonas Louis Tomlinson
Zayn Malikas Zayn Malik
Zach Roerigas Noah Porter
Ian Somerhalderas Trevor Bennett
Denise Richardsas Carol Young
Niall Horan as Niall Horan
Liam Payneas Liam Payne
Dylan McDermottas Ken Style

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