Be Selfish. [Story Reviews]

This time, it's The Dangerously Beautiful by Angel_Eyes24.

Plot - 3 Your plot flows pretty well. There are a few things that are a little chunky, like why did Noah get out of the car in the hospital and close the door behind himself? I would have left it open in my rush. And also, she probably should have dragged him to the hospital doors when she found him after that. Also, I can imagine, in the future, Noah (coughcoughEdwardcough) and David (coughcoughJacobcough) fighting over Arizona (coughcoughBellacough).

Originality - 4 Aliens haven't been done in a long time, and that brought your score up quite a bit. However, he's human. And attractive. And her age. That knocked it down a point.

Grammar - 3 You had quite a few typos. Also, when you use dashes -- and you use many dashes -- I suggest you use them like this. Not-I dare say-like this. It makes it harder to read. The key to that is putting space, dash, dash, then space. Your capitalization was fine, usage fine (other than the dashes if that even counts as usage), punctuation okay (you sometimes used commas where semicolons belonged, but that's about it), and spelling was cool.

Chances of Reading On - 4 At first, I was almost a little bored. There was enough to keep me reading, though. By the time Noah woke up, though, I was putting off a trip to the bathroom in order to keep reading. Good job!

Presentation - 5 Beautiful cover! The prologue was interesting, though more like a first chapter. It should be cut down to just the short conversation before "~months prior~" while the rest is put up as chapter one, then what is now "I'm Not Crazy . . . I Hope" as chapter 2. The description on the side sounds a little cheezy, though it's pretty hard to avoid being average in that department. Summing up your story just enouh to get a reader hooked is a hard job. I might even say it's harder that writing the actual book.

Character Interaction - 3 So a model lives next door to a muscle man and they're just friends, eh? Well, when I put it that way . . . Otherwise, the character interaction seems okay. Arizona and Noah interact pretty realistically so far. Girls are especially complient with feelings, so I find it easy to believe that she'd follow her gut about him.

So! List of improvements now, I suppose:

~You should probably have her drive a few yards before noticing Noah laying in the parking lot so that she has at least a little more of an excuse to keep her from going back to the hospital, though the story would be fine without that.

~Maybe Noah should be a little older or younger than her, or maybe less human? Like, a shape shifter or something? This one is harder to fix if you've already got a lot more plot in mind. Again, the story would live without a change.

~Like I said with the dashes. Use them -- and I mean it -- like this. Or maybe even use (I'm fine with this) parenthesis. They work, too.

~All books get a boring part. Every book I read has one. So you don't have to (and really can't) fix what I said about Chances of Reading On. I suppose you'll just have to make sure to avoid any down spots in the future (and if you must, make them short).

~Like I said in Presentation, it should be the short dialogue as a prologue, then the rest of it as chapter one, and "I'm Not Crazy . . . I Hope" as chapter two. And for the description, sometimes cheezy doesn't affect the story. Especially if you have so many votes for the prologue. You can leave it that way if you wish, though if you want to edit, take off the "The dangerously Beautiful" is about love, friendship, trust, and just following your heart. THAT is the main cheese in the sandwich. Excuse my fail food humor.

~If you think you can pull it off and it won't affect the plot, make it so that Arizona and David dated at some point, then found they were better as just friends. It happened to my sister. It can happen to your charatcers.

Sorry if this seems too passive or dumb or anything. I'm a little off my game today, so my wording isn't the best. I might edit this when I'm in a reviewing mood, in which case I'll remind you of your dedication.

You can get to the story by clicking on the dedication or searching the user's name or the title of the story.