‘She’s going to make herself ill,’ says Robert, looking out the window at Katherine who is leading her horse out of the stables.
Martha simply nods, finding it hard to speak. She's had a dull pain in her chest ever since that moment three days ago when they discovered Guy’s unannounced, abrupt departure. It’s guilt and she knows it; she knows that what she said to Guy drove him away.
Martha goes into the yard to try to talk Katherine out of setting out again today. Rain is on the way and yesterday Katherine returned empty handed and soaked to the skin.
‘Katherine, please, you will catch your death.’ she says.
Katherine doesn't listen. She merely kicks the horse into motion and rides away.
Martha comes back into the house to be confronted by a red-eyed Alice. She wraps an arm around her, ‘Look, he’s a big man, he’ll be alright,’ she says.
Alice sniffs, ‘But why didn’t he say goodbye?’
‘Perhaps it was too painful for him, perhaps he didn’t want to upset you.’
‘He has upset me.’
Martha just keeps hugging her until Alice stops weeping and Stephen takes her outside to help with the cows.
* * * * * * * *
Katherine knows that Guy is probably miles away by now, but she still searches for him. The thought of him dying alone in a ditch is haunting her.
Besides, she cannot settle to anything at home, her mind is filled with regrets and questions. She cannot understand why he left her. She knows what she saw in his eyes those last few days before his departure. He wanted her as much as she wanted him, so why, why did he go?
And to leave in the night, as covertly as he had arrived is the final blow. No opportunity to dissuade him, to say her goodbyes.
She hates herself for not acting more quickly. For not putting her shame about her marriage to one side and throwing herself at him. What good is her modesty to her now?
She is exhausted with going over and over the same questions in her mind.
What is it about me?’ she What does it matter if the whole world tells you how beautiful you are but those you love do not want to stay with you? First William, now Guy.
The tears start to fall again as she rides and she wonders when, if ever, her life will begin.
She rides for a few more hours but there is no sign of him, and her search is hampered by the fact that she cannot ask anybody if they have seen him. She is acutely aware that even now a vengeful Vasey or Gifford could hunt him down.
Eventually she turns her horse for home, they will be worried about her, and she knows that. She should not come out alone; she knows it is not sensible. But she is tired of being sensible. Of doing the right thing. What has it achieved for her?
She tries to admonish herself for her self-pity but she has no more comforting words to say. He came back to her like a miracle and now he is gone. Miracles do not happen twice. He will not want to be found this time and she is certain that he will succeed in getting himself killed or quickly drinking himself to death.
A sudden image of her future life comes into her head. An old woman, still feeding the pigs, doing the accounts.
She thinks of what she wanted before she married William: love, children, and a sense of purpose. How many years ago was that? She finds it hard to remember, she is so tired. All she knows for certain is that all her dreams have eluded her.
Perhaps it is time to take the easy route. Perhaps I should accept Sir Richard if he does ask me to marry him.
Then she starts to weep again because the thought of being with Sir Richard and not with Guy is too much to bear.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Robert is sitting at the table, looking at Martha intently and Martha would dearly love to tell him what’s upsetting her, but she can’t work out how to do it without betraying Katherine’s secret. But the way he is looking at her, she knows he’s guessed she’s opened her big mouth and said something she shouldn’t have done.
He stands up and going behind her, puts his arms as far around her as he can reach and kisses her on the neck.
‘It’s a shame he went,’ he says, ‘I was getting to like him … miserable, bad tempered, one handed b*****d that he was.’
He snuggles closer. ‘So what are you going to do to get him back?’
‘I don’t know,’ says Martha, chewing her lip.
Robert laughs and kisses her again. ‘Don’t worry,’ he says, ‘you’ll think of something.’
