It's Monday morning now and so far I have avoided my mother sucessfully so now I just need to get to school without seeing her and that would be great. Ever since I yelled at her Saturday I stayed in my room till I knew she was consumed in her work till I would head out. Also I haven't seen Alex either and that's good... I think.
Kay so no has ever showed any interest in me and no one ever asks what happens when I show up with bruised knuckles or even when they're bandaged up. Honestly no one talks to me so the other day at the park when Alex came up and to talked to me I was confused as to why Mr. Popular-BadBoy-HighSchoolHeartThrob would talk to me. I like being alone because I can never seem to trust people to stick around or even get a shit about me. See when I was 5 years old, my mother woke my sister and I up in the middle of the night and we left my father. He used to abuse my mother and as I sat there that day on the stairs I seen just how violent he can become when he's drunk, and I guess my mother had enough and she decided it was time to leave him.
The only set of grandparents I have wont hardly talk to me. I used to be really close to my grandmother, but when I turned 16 I was allowed to get my first tattoo and seeing as my Aunt is a tattoo artist it is a birthday present from them. Well my gradmother didn't like the facted I was 'marked' for the rest of my life with ink. So now I get dirty looks from her and she only ever talks to me when she absoultly has to talk to me.
My friends; we all live in different towns so come summer it's hard to go and see any of them, but we try to keep in contact through Facebook and texting but thats usually hader then we all expected. At the beginning of the school year I walked into the school and walked up to my group of friends and they ignored me and walked away. I took the hint and stopped bothering them. I don't need friends, I have myself and I don't need to barden anyone with my problems anyways.
I do see my father every two -court orders- but he hardly talks to me either and I don't have a reason for that. He being an alcoholic doesn't help either. He's either a happy drunk which honestly I don't mind it seems like thats the time he does end up talking to me but if you get him to talk about a certain subjet he wont shut up about it and he can go on for hours about it. But it's when he's a mean, that's when I avoid him and find a place in the house where i know he wont go, because that little 5 year old inside me still remembers how violent he can get when he's like that and it's best to just leave him alone.
I've had two boyfirends but the first one ended up cheating on me only two months into the relationship and I was heartbroken for the thrid time and it never gets easier. My second boyfriend; we lasted seven months but with my mood swings all over the place all the time, and it's not just when I'm on my period it's all month long and it would drive any one crazy god knows if I could I would leave but I kinda can't, anyways after 7 months of that he got tired of guessing and walking on egg shells around me and that's not omething I want in a relationship, so the break up was more of a mutual thing. But being cheated on takes a toll and he being my first boyfriend I have trust issues and I find it hard to trust people easly and I hate how I compare every guy to him but I guess that's just another thing wrong with me.
Walking into school was the same thing every day. My head was down and I walked swiftly to my loker avoiding anyone. I usually have my headphones in my ears and I'm listening to music but I can't listen to music without becoming more depressed.
As I'm walking to my locker I see Alex with his usual group of friends and unfortuinatly his locker is just a few down from mine. As I look over I see he's already looking at me and not knowing how to deal with this feeling or whtever it is, I refuse to show him so I try my hardest not to blush and I flip him the bird instead. That only earns me a dirty look from his friends and a confused look from him but he quickly covers it up with a blank expression before anyone can see it.
So... Alex. When he came up to me and started to talk to me I was beyond confused and I wasn't sure how to act so me being me I was a bitch. Saturday after my blow up with my mother I went to the park and was trying to calm down and think about how I could have handled the situation better. As I was laying there on the picnik table Alex had come up to me to bug me most likely but I was still pissed off at my mother and just wanted to be alone. When he touched my hand though I wasn't sure but I swore I felt something. I wasn't sure what it was so I ignored it and told him to leave, probably not the best move telling the bad boy of the town off but I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything else. I already had enough going on in my head I didn't need anyone else added in mix. I just wanted to be leaft alone and that is what I got. Though as he left there was something telling me that maybe he might be the one I could open up to and maybe he wont leave or use it aainst me. But I knew better and let it be.