The Chronicle of a Social Pariah


Chapter 1


I often think about what my life could've been. In a way, I think this is unavoidable with a history like mine. I was once your average go-lucky teenager, struggling to come to terms with myself and fit in with everyone else. I wanted people to notice me. I craved for a meaning of life. I desperately needed a boy to hold me and tell me he loved me. To my surprise, I got all three.

If I had to pinpoint the specific moment that forever changed my life, I'd say it was while daydreaming in my eleventh grade math class. It was your typical, stuffy Monday. Half of the class was snoring while the rest fought to stay coherent enough to jot down notes. I was somewhere in-between, not really paying any attention as I doodled on my notebook.

I rolled my eyes as my chair shifted forward, no doubt the direct result of my less-then-courteous neighbor. Sure enough, the seat gave a little squeal as it slid forward again. I tried to scoot back, but a pair of giant feet prevented me from going anywhere. I turned around and raised an eyebrow like I'd seen people do in the movies. I had perfected it last summer when my cousins came to visit.

Grant Bane. Voted best smile, most likely to become successful college quarterback, and teen heartthrob... not that I cared. I was only concerned with the fact that he was invading my personal space.

He didn't even look up, choosing to busy himself with something on his cell phone instead. I waited a few seconds, but he only laughed at something and began furiously pressing keys on his phone.

"Hey, asshole... do you mind?" I said without trying to lower my voice. Several students glanced over at me, Grant included. When he realized that I was talking to him, he chuckled under his breath.

"Watch your mouth, bitch."

"Get your feet off my chair, ass."

He gave me a sweet smile as my chair screeched forward until I was firmly sandwiched between the desk and the back of the seat. I struggled for a minute before giving up. I gave him a look of pure loathing, but he'd already returned his attention to the cell phone hidden under his desk.

Typical.

It was like I was invisible half of the time. People would run into me while walking down the hallway and then look up in surprise, always claiming that they hadn't seen me.

I had never been beautiful. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't ugly or anything. I guess I'm a little on the plain side, but still decent looking enough. Guys didn't seem to give a shit. They all went for the drop-dead, gorgeous girls.

I didn't go for guys like Grant, but it still didn't help my ego when I was blatantly ignored and disregarded like that. Just once, I'd like people to look at me and really see me. I wanted them to see a cool, confident, and beautiful girl who had everyone in the palm of her hand.

I grudgingly pushed my desk up so that I could breathe. The noise woke the people around me, and they weren't pleased. Oh well.

My stomach was killing me, and I wasn't in the mood for putting up with idiots like Grant. Just when I told myself that I'd ignore him, he repositioned his feet higher on my chair and edged me forward again. I bit my tongue, not trusting myself to speak. Only ten more minutes, I promised myself. Ten minutes and I'd be away from my idiotic classmates.

I was in intense pain by the time the bell finally rang. I'd been feeling progressively worse as the day went on, and I could no longer pass it off as food poisoning. There wasn't anything I could do, so I just sucked it up and stood with some effort.

I put on a large, knit hat my grandmother had sewed for me and headed for the door. I scowled as someone rudely pushed me aside and slammed into the boy next to me. I sneered as they began attacking each other with their mouths. "Go get a room"

Grant met my eyes for all of a second before giving his girlfriend his full and undivided attention. Jerk. The least he could do was move out of the doorway so I wasn't stuck standing here at their leisure.

His mouth teased her lips confidently, as if he'd been doing it his entire life... for I knew he HAD been kissing girls his entire life. His hold on her was rough and possessive as he ground their bodies together, causing a low noise to rise from the back of her throat. I needed to get out of here before I got a free show.

I pushed them over just enough for me to make my escape. Hallelujah.

The hallway was nearly empty and it was all thanks to Grant. I pushed the images of him and the girl out of my head, not wanting to remember the way he grabbed her and kissed her. It was only a harsh reminder that I'd never be that girl to anyone.