Broken-an Ed Sheeran fan fiction

Chapter 17

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The room went dead silent. The only sound at all was from TV which continued to play The Grahm Norton Show. I don't think anyone knew what to say, I didn't. Though I let out a shaky exhale, proving I was ashamed of it.  Thier faces showed nothing but shock. Were they surprised I had been such an idiot? That I had let it get this far? That I was weak and had to run to Ed for help?

I blinked back the tears that wanted to pour from my eyes as Ed stood and made his way over to the counter I was leaning on. He didn't say anything, which was so much worse than anything he could of done. Did he think I was an absolute idiot too? I wouldn't blame him if he did. I was a stupid girl. I should of known. Now here I was, admitting it to the people who actually mattered to me. Now they knew. Now they could shower me in "i told you so"s and prove they were right all along. Show me I was wrong. I'm always wrong. Always. I guess I deserved this, right? If I was the one who got myself into this mess I need to pay the price. I was supposed to lose everything. I made a stupid decision and I didn't blame them for hating me for it. In fact, I was glad they hated me for it, maybe it would teach me not to be such an idiot. 

"anyway..." I said, sniffing and standing up completely "gotta go. See you whenever".  I grabbed my coat off the chair Mary was next to and headed for the door. 

As my hand met the doorknob I heard hushed voices and what sounded like Niall saying "just...let her blow off some steam." 

With that, I opened the door and slammed it behind me. It was a damn cold night, and it looked like it had barley started to snow. Ed had the keys but I needed to leave. 

I buttoned my coat and began to walk. i didn't know where I was going, or where I was now, but at this point I didn't care. With any luck I could walk to a new town and start over. Why was everything so confusing? Why wasn't anyone looking for me? I guess its cause they lost any ounce of respect they had for me when they found out I was the crazy slut who would date anyone who gave her the time of day, even if they beat the crap out of her. I guess thats all I was now. Great. 

And Ed. I'm sure all of this was just some stupid game he was playing with me to help me feel better. Because he pittied me. He felt sorry for the dumb blonde who had gotten herself into a horrible relationship so he thought if he could mend her heart a bit it would help. He thought maybe if I had a shot with someone like him it would make me feel like I wasn't completely worthless. 

Well I was and I knew it.

My feet ached, another reminder that I had in fact, screwed myself over. 

I looked around, I saw an elementary school not too far off, I was far out of Sophie's neighborhood, and the best part was, I didn't know how to get home. Awesome. Maybe some homeless man would find me and beat me up to. Then after, I could pay him. 

I continued down the side of the somewhat icy road, flurries sticking to my eyelashes. I clenched my hands into fists and dug my nails into my palms. I was so incredibly ashamed to be myself. Right now, I hated myself more than anything. More than I hated Hunter, even. I mean Hunter had good reason to beat me. I was a horrible girlfriend. No one was denying that. He had loved me and I had ruined everything, just like I always ruin everything. I can't believe I ever blamed Hunter for this, I was my fault and all I ever do is whine about it.  

My walk tunred into a run. I don't know why I just needed to run. I needed to run away and get away from all of this. Everything I had done wrong. 

I was weak and the cold air made my lungs burn but I didn't care I had to keep going. I couldn't stop. I needed to get out of here, and fast. 

I kept running and running, trying to escape my own mind. I was drowning in my thoughts and I needed relief. 

It kept getting colder and darker and everything hurt. 

I had long past the elementary school and was running along a road lined with trees when I saw headlights in the distance. 

This was it. I could escape. 

I stepped out in the middle of the road.

The headlights got brighter and brighter. The engine got louder and louder. 

I closed my eyes. 

It would be better for everyone. Ed could stop pretending, my friends wouldn't have to deal with my issues, everything would just be better.

and then it all stopped. 

I heard the screech of the tires but I remined standing there. I opened my eyes to reveal the car only a few feet away from me. In the driver seat was Liam. 

Why had he stopped? I needed to escape!! I needed to leave! Why didn't he let me leave?! 

I collasped into a heap in the middle of the road, sobbing. 

I was so close! I could of made everything better! 

I heard Liam get out of the car and run over to me. 

"Jordan, oh my god everyones been looking for you! Are you okay?" he asked as he kneeled by me. 

"Why didn't you let me die?!" I whaled at the top of my lungs. 

I heard him say "oh my god" quietly to himself before picking me up. 

"No-NO LIAM PLEASE!" I screamed into his chest. 

I NEEDED TO LEAVE. DID HE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?! 

"shhhh, its okay." he said as he brought me to the passenger's side and set me in the seat. He buckled the seat belt around me, despite my struggling.

I curled my knees into my chest and continued crying into them. Why had Liam done this to me?

He got in the drivers side and began to turn the car around. 

Through my sobs, I heard him tell the bluetooth on his car to "call ed".

No. Not Ed, I didn't want his pitty. PLEASE ANYONE BUT ED. 

Within two dial tones, Ed answered and frantically asked if Liam had found me. 

"yeah, I've got her, don't worry." Liam said. 

I heard Ed sigh of relief "thank god", he said. oh the pity. 

"We're on the way back to Sophie's house. Please let everyone know that shes safe." Liam said, glancing at me as he did. 

"I will just...is she okay?" Ed asked. 

I looked up from my now soaking knees and at the screen showing Liam and I that we were on a call with 'Ed Sheeran'. 

There was another silence. I had really grown to hate silence. 

"I'll see you when we get there." Liam stated before hanging up, by tapping the screen.