this is not mine but found it really funny and wanted to share it sorry i didn't proof read it

Warning: This article is "bad" reading it may result in hijacking, contracting HIV, or being shot in a minibus taxi.
The author in no way claims responsibility for your life.Please take a showeruse a condom, and don't pet the dog.
National fish Springbok

South Africa -- also known as Suid Afrika, Saaaf Effrika, The Darker part of the Netherlands or Fake Africa -- is a country located at the southern-most part of the butt-hole continent(somewhere in Mexico) of the world, more commonly known as Africa. It is the only place in the world where saying "G'day mate" is a criminal as well as a civil offence, and as such can lead to your arrest, or possibly even death.
Until 1994 South Africa was ruled by pyromaniac bigots (Afrikaners). They had no respect for human rights, but more egregiously, they had no fashion sense. They wore grey shoes and safari suits. For these and other crimes such as bad comb-overs, they were overthrown in 1994. In 1990, Nelson Mandela escaped from captivity and rose to Presidency in 1994. Unfortunately, remnants of The "Old" South Africa remain today. With the "Afrikaners" dispersing and forming the empire of Orania. They raise their young behind ten-foot electrified fences and packs of Dobermans on a staple of charred meat and stay true to their old misguided teachings. In the mean-time, Ryan Boytana aka Nelson Mandela, is on the verge of death, watching everything he worked so hard to build up - like biltong - slowly break apart. While other African countries suffer from endemic corruption, this is thankfully not the case in South Africa. The government, in its all-seeing wisdom, has avoided the fate of other banana republics and simply legalised graft and corruption. It has even given legalised theft and corruption a respectable-sounding name: Black Economic Empowerment or BEE. This is supposedly there to give all black people a leg up, except it benefits only the already obscenely rich. The three beneficiaries of BEE thus far - Japan Fornicatewale, Patrice Motsepe and Smuts Ngonyama - are all far richer than Bill Gates and John Paul Getty combined, in spite of having no obvious skills or inputs to make to the companies in which they are forced shareholders. But like anyone can admit, Dreadlocks and funny accents do make businesses run smoother!

Whereabouts of South Africa
The four provinces of South Africa before the revolution were:
• No mans lands except for the white man
• The Orange Juice for Free but only if you're White State
• Transylvaalia
• Post-Natal-Drip
• BophuphatunpronounceableothonameIhklahngosatswana

The Ten provinces of South Africa since the revolution are:
• The Western Cape and Walking Stick province
• The Northern Cape and Top Hat province
• The Eastern Cape and Dagger province
• The Far-Eastern Cape Province
• Kwanzaa-Zulu/post-natal-abortion
• Jobergarangatanga aka Gauteng Province (GP) also known as Gangsters Paradise
• Corwatadonga
• kakstaat
• Azania
• frenchfrystaat (we call them slap chips in saath efrika)
• Bapetikosweti
• Relistupeedswartminsweti
• Orania
Transport
Transport or transition in South Africa, contrary to popular belief, does not involve wild animals. When wild animals do appear in the streets (which used to be a common occurance) - most motorists play "let's see if they're smart enough to get out the road before I hit them with my large vehicle" - a game which has resulted in the near-extinction of the Purple Elephant - a smaller version of the elephant that is about the size of a Fiat Uno, it gets its name from the colour of its intestines, which often lay splattered on the streets.
The masses (read: stupid assholes) like to journey in vehicles called mobile coffins or taxis,but most commonly known as "minibus taxis". Scientists are baffled by the fact that, although their theoretical maximum load is around 9 people, the media often reports that 23 people were killed when a taxi overturned, 15 were injured, and the remaining 38 passengers were unhurt.
Upon further investigation, the origins of these vehicles are traced back to ancient methods of 'culling' the human population, where in the tribal days, many villagers were placed into the belly of an elephant (through the rectum) and effectively pushed over a cliff. To meet this need in the modern day and age, the Toyota motor vehicle corporation has developed and marketed a suitable replacement to aid the process of culling. The Toyota HI-ACE (High Impact African Culling Equipment) has proved most suitable for this purpose and as a result is in wide use in South Africa and neighbouring countries.