My computer is wack!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. Proclaim himself to be Voldemort...
2. And then challenge Emmett Cullen (who, coincidentally, is NOT Harry Potter) to a duel with wands
3. Steal all of Heidi's shoes and say it was Giana
4. Especially when he's wearing her favorite Valentino slingbacks
5. Blow raspberries any time Caius tries to speak
6. Use phrases such as "That's dope." The only dope around here is him.
7. Tell Alec he dresses like a yuppie
8. Play Pokemon. It's just too disturbing.
9. Tell Caius that his white hair and red eyes make him look like an albino...
10. And then tie Caius down and dye his hair bright red...
11. And then refer to Caius as a "firecrotch" (even if does look strickingly similar to Lindsay Lohan)
12. Ask Jane if they're having a staring contest when she gives him 'the look'
13. Pelt Felix with small balls of chocolate covered ice cream when he calls 'dibs' on a snack
14. Comunicate with Emmett Cullen in any way, shape or form (example of affects of this rule being broken: the American 'Era of Free Love'. I.E. the 1960's)
15. Kidnap Bella Swan and force her to play tea party with him and his doll collection
16. Change people into vampires if they can burp the alphabet backwards
Demitri to track his own butt
18. Impose an international "Human Appreciation Month" every four decades, in which no vampire is allowed to feed on humans
19. And have the Voturi guard uniform include a patch that month stating: Humans are friends, not food.
20. Graffiti the walls of Castle Volturi
21. Particularly with phrases such as "Carlisle Cullen is smokin' hot!" and "Demitri equals DORK"
22. Change the Volturi motto to: Join the Volturi-we have cookies!
23. Force the members of the guard to paricipate in a bi-weekly spelling bee
24. And then require the losers to perform any Disney story of his choice...on ice
25. Wear a speedo
26. Have Giana answer the telephone by saying : "St. Marcus' Monestary-you stab em' we slab em'"
27. Give Alec and Jane "The Talk"
28. Tell Heidi her dresses are frumpy
29. Sing Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend"
30. Randomly yell "But Marcus is the only man I've ever been with!" when someone speaks to him in public
31. Dress up as Shakira
32. Attempt to dance like Shakira
33. Talk in a Swedish accent any time Heidi is in the same room
34. Rename every member of the Volturi (ex. Alec: Esteban the Pool Boy)
35. Turn the feeding room into a 'roller boogie' complete with strobe lights, a disco ball and bad American 1970's music
36. Give every vampire he has ever met a kitten for Christmas